Overwritten.net
Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: wizall on Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 11:46:41 PM
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So, what's your take on it? I've decided I'm going to give it a shot since things haven't been pretty blah lately. The job front is impossible, and the bar thing, which is fun, is also ultimately vacuous. I realize it isn't taboo like it used to be (e.g. my days of prowling AOL chat rooms as a teenager(who were of age, guys)), but it still feels a little awkward.
I dunno, I figure what the hell. Can't hurt, right?
Anyone try it recently? I'm grossly out of tune.
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I haven't dated anybody other than my wife in the last 6 years or so, but... I dunno'. The internet is a strange place. I met a number of chicks there in my younger years, but I met and dated them all in real life, not strictly by proxy. So... uh... I guess I'm not being helpful.
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The only thing with those types of sites is it tends to attract bimbos and airheads but I do know one guy who met a girl online that he dated for a couple of years before they broke up. I know two other guys though who have been stood up by flaky women on those types of sites. Either way it can't hurt, but don't be surprised if you run into a nutjob/bimbo/airhead. I guess it all depends on the site you use too.
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It's funny, I didn't even assume he meant like a dating site. Why didn't I assume that? I'm even more useless now, as I never so much as visited one. I just thought he meant he had more chances to meet chicks on the web, heh.
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I might be assuming wrong too, when I see "online dating" I assume dating sites.
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I've considered it, but never actually done it. It's worth a shot. One thing you know for sure is that whoever is there is looking to pair up, just like you. With bars or any other random encounters, it's a bigger crapshoot with less rolls of the dice. I've also heard of local places which will do something similar to what was depicted in Hitch (with Will Smith). All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process. A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those. She and this guy ended up being an item.
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I can't say it won't work. I did look into it and knew it wasn't for me. From what I found I'd have to agree with Tet, its mostly really desperate chicks and most profiles are pretty cut and paste. I think if you looked hard enough and with a little luck you'd have a shot. It's really just like with anything with finding a relationship, its not going to be easier if its online and you still have to put effort into it.
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I might be assuming wrong too, when I see "online dating" I assume dating sites.
HAHAHA Oh fuck you can't make this shit up. ;D
I tried such a site some time ago but thinking back.... fuck that shit, I've got options to avoid advertising how ... umm.... yeah.
Anyway I shouldn't have bothered, I gave up and a woman who I now call "bitch face" found me - happy days (for about 9 months that is).
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I know a number of couples who met online. Not on online dating sites though.
good luck! I'm sure it's just as devious as IRL dating.
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Not quite online dating, but there have been many people that I've met maybe once in person, started talking to them online and they were suddenly in my close group of friends. Just the same, I've met people through them strictly online and had things go from there too. Meeting and talking to people online isn't weird at all, since I've been going through it since I was 10 years old. As the years progress it'll get even more normal, as kids start using the internet at younger ages.
And about dating sites. You're willing to go to one, but you're apprehensive. Chances are there's lots of people with that exact same thought pattern on these sites. Sure you'll come across some people with limited social experience, but for the most part, people are just normal and just as worried as you. You may as well just try it.
All assumptions though, having never gone to one myself ^
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I always find these sites suspicious. Especially if you're looking for females. Like, a girl just has to go where the kind of guy she wants might hang out and just talk to one...bam, shes all set to go. Why would a female have to sign up for a dating service unless A) she is crazy and no one wants her or B) is an airhead and has no clue how easy it should be for her to go out and find someone. Sure there might be the occasional normal chick thats just shy or whatever, but thats probably not very common.
I always picture dating sites with 4 million male members looking at the same 20 female profiles.
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Females have just as much trouble getting dates as guys. There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots who are always saying they can't find a good guy. Sure, it's easy for them to be hit on and get dates, but if you were a girl would you even consider most the guys who honk at you on the street? and you say you see girls everywhere that could easily get a date, but how many times have you actually gone there and asked one out? Legitimate attempts don't happen to a lot of girls as much as you would think. Also, a lot of girls seem to feel odd approaching guys because traditionally, it's the guy who is supposed to make the first move.
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I tend to agree with ren when it comes to girls finding legit dates ("legit" being the key word). A lot of my female friends are hit on all the time, but usually by complete d-bags, usually in a drunken scene.
Well, I did a little browsing, and I decided to try out Match.com, if only because it seems slightly classier than some of the others. And, that's a good point, ren, that a lot of people are reluctant about it, too.
I'll keep you posted on my conquests (defeats, that is).
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There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots
Ah, so young, so foolish.
Anyways:
" All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process. A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those. She and this guy ended up being an item"
You're talking about speed dating. As far as I'm concerned it's the stupidest thing in the world. Like a series of job interviews for a mate.
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Ah, so young, so foolish.
I knew someone would call me the rational women thing
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Ah, so young, so foolish.
Anyways:
" All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process. A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those. She and this guy ended up being an item"
You're talking about speed dating. As far as I'm concerned it's the stupidest thing in the world. Like a series of job interviews for a mate.
Who was it that said "nothing succeeds like success"?
I think what I said before was confusing. What I meant was that whoever gets involved with the online dating sites wants to date, unlike bar patrons, and there's a lot more of them than you're going to find at the bar. You can't see them right away, which is a downside. I'm sure there's going to be some who lie their asses off--not that it's going to achieve anything beyond wasting everyone's time. I'm winging this--zero experience. Just saying I'd have no problem with giving it a shot, should I ever get serious about finding a mate.
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When I first met the now ex-girlfriend, I met her over -- of all places -- the Internet. And it wasn't over a dating site, either -- I dunno if I like the idea of a dating site, myself. Naw, it was MySpace, actually. That was early 2006. Never really saw it coming, myself. She did live nearby me, anyways. We talked for a good amount of time online -- and then eventually it expanded to us talking also over the phone. So, I actually and eventually agreed to meet w/ her. She wanted to meet me, of course, not too long after she met me online. I was hesitant, of course -- b/c it'd definitely be a big step for me to meet someone from online right in-person.
But, eventually, I caved in. And good thing I did, too. So, we met and all -- she been dying to see me skate, as well. So, she meet me at a skating exhibition I was skating at. Yeah, it was a very controlled environment -- 'cause not only was I gonna be there, so was my parents b/c it was a skating event. They just don't miss those, period. So, as soon as we met, we really hit it off. Not only that -- but my parents really-really liked her, as well. Great start, if you ask me. :)
Yes, one of the best decisions of my life. It eventually led from an online friendship to a real close one. Eventually, became a closer friendship, once we met. It only grew -- we began spending more time together. :) Then, she ended up being my g/f, in July 2006 -- all the stars were so aligned for us, at that time. It lasted for a great 8 months. I don't regret going to meet her at all.
(About time I got a little pro-active in my life, instead of just sitting back and regretting doing nothing.)
I just regret that it all ended b/c of such bad timing in our lives. Just too much was going on, for the both of us, all at that time. Things, unfortunately, just fell apart in the last few weeks or so. Yeah, I'll just leave it at that. :(
So, I suggest this for these type of "online" ordeals: make a friend out of someone online, before anything else. That's always a good way to start. And get to really know them for a good while really well -- at least for a few months. Then, if things go great and the relationship gets to the point that y'all really are interested in exploring something possibly more, go take it to another level -- just go meet up.
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Females have just as much trouble getting dates as guys. There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots who are always saying they can't find a good guy. Sure, it's easy for them to be hit on and get dates, but if you were a girl would you even consider most the guys who honk at you on the street? and you say you see girls everywhere that could easily get a date, but how many times have you actually gone there and asked one out? Legitimate attempts don't happen to a lot of girls as much as you would think. Also, a lot of girls seem to feel odd approaching guys because traditionally, it's the guy who is supposed to make the first move.
I have to disagree with you there, the reason why these girls can't find "good" guys is because they keep dating assholes. I think the problem is that our culture still relies on the guy to chase the woman around and most of the guys that do the chasing are assholes. When a hot woman goes after a guy (face it, only shy guy would have to be chased by a hot woman) it intimidates men and they kind of push themselves away.
Until very recently it was very hard to tell when a woman was flirting with me unless she straight up told me she wanted to nail me. Its still a little unflattering when a woman throws herself at a man, I guess because men are more suspicious? I don't know, don't quote me on that.
If you're looking for love, I don't believe you can actually look for it and find it. I think its one of those things that sneaks up and bites you in the ass. Just be patient ( I know it sucks) and a woman will come along and you can be whipped like so many other guys out there. In the meantime, don't try to find a girlfriend in a bar.
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I kind of agree with nick on this. I don't know that I think it's impossible to find love if you're actively looking for it, but I don't think actively looking for it is going to increase your chances much. You'll meet more people, but probably not the right ones. I feel like I always had far more available women around me and interested when I wasn't even thinking about it.
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Oh I totally agree with that, you can't just actively search for love and expect to find it. The post wasn't about looking for love though, it was about dating.
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I'm not looking for love; I just sort of want to pound on stuff.
Just kidding...sort of.
But, anyway, I've held off for the time being on joining something like this. In all honesty, I'm enjoying being single at the moment. I go out enough as it is, blowing money (as I did last night)--I don't really need to add a girl to the mix. And, I agree with the notion of actively looking for love. I mean, you can put yourself in a position to find it, I suppose, but you can't shoehorn your way into it, imo.
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I have to disagree with you there, the reason why these girls can't find "good" guys is because they keep dating assholes. I think the problem is that our culture still relies on the guy to chase the woman around and most of the guys that do the chasing are assholes. When a hot woman goes after a guy (face it, only shy guy would have to be chased by a hot woman) it intimidates men and they kind of push themselves away.
Yuh, I'm shy -- if I don't know someone well and all. If I do know someone well, forget about -- I can be open w/ you about some things.
I am very shy about my feelings for someone, if I actually do have them.
I should note -- I'm not as shy online as I am in person. I am not too much of a social butterfly, in person. I think I write better than I speak, myself -- probably b/c I love to write and all.
Until very recently it was very hard to tell when a woman was flirting with me unless she straight up told me she wanted to nail me.
Yeah, b/c sometimes you can't read someone well; especially if you don't know them too well.
Even if you do know 'em well, you might not be too sure on if they mean what they say or if they are actually joking w/ you. Hell, might be a combination of both -- yes, a lot of truth can be said in jest.
I just think, in general, communication can be a muddy process w/ lots of gray areas anyways, period.
Its still a little unflattering when a woman throws herself at a man, I guess because men are more suspicious? I don't know, don't quote me on that.
Personally, I'd rather takes things somewhat slow w/ girl...
...I don't mind knowing if a girl wants me, early on -- but, it really shows me a lot, if she's willing to be patient and take things slow right along w/ me... :)
If you're looking for love, I don't believe you can actually look for it and find it. I think its one of those things that sneaks up and bites you in the ass.
Yeah, I agree.
I mean, I figured I'd find nothing for a while, given after how confused I was after a few girls I had crushes on didn't amount to anything...
...Then, this girl on MySpace contacted me -- and eventually, we had a great 8 months together....
Damn, I still miss her and love her...
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I don't know. My experience is that the more you're actively trying to befriend single people of the opposite sex, the more you're going to succeed. (This sounds too obvious, in fact.) So I can't agree that actively trying is a waste of time. You'll have more failures and more successes, and it's only the latter that you care about.
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It does sound obvious Cobra, but it is true nonetheless. My brother always taught me that failure is the road to success when dating. You can't be too worried about failure that you never go for it. After all, if they turn you down, then it would never work to begin with, no? It just speeds things along.
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Well, that's exactly what I meant. The more you roll the dice, the more 7's you're going to get. All the snake eyes can be ignored. They are irrelevant to you longterm.
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Well, that's exactly what I meant. The more you roll the dice, the more 7's you're going to get. All the snake eyes can be ignored. They are irrelevant to you longterm.
This is true in theory, but a string of snake eyes can be discouraging, to say the least. :)
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Oh, no doubt. Even a few successes or failures close together can radically alter your self-perception. The thing is you need to overcome that insecurity (or inflated ego) and try to keep it all on an even keel. If you never succeed, even though you know you've given it your best over a long time, then it may be time to look deeper into what's amiss. If you're anywhere near normal, you should have some success within your peer group.
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It's funny because I think I've taken a very weird path when it comes to dating and hooking up. I'm incredibly shy in person when I don't know someone or if I'm interested in a girl. Every gf I've had up to this point, they have actually approached me and asked me out. Even with random hookups, the girl has always initiated everything. Since this has always worked for me, I've never really actively seek relationships or hookups. Some of my friends find it weird (by weird meaning calling me a fag) that when a girl seems to be flirting with me, I never do anything about it because I am way to shy to make any moves and look like an idiot while they stumble all over themselves being drunk douche bags trying to get girls.
I guess if you are really shy, maybe girls just find you mysterious and attractive? Who knows....
But anyways, as for online dating, I've always been curious about it, but the same thing as usual, I'm too shy to actually sign up and look for girls. So I dunno, if you try it, give me a heads up and tell me how it went. I'd be really interested to find out.
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Ok, I believe I've told some of the inter-macking stories from one group of university friends a few years ago here. Good shit, but this was back in the internet sex dark ages of hotornot.com. We're in a brand new world now - one filled with no-strings-attached sex with people you don't meet face to face before having sex with them. The entertainment possibilities are endless.
I was bored a few weeks ago, and probably depressed over the fact that I slept with a girl I shouldn't have because it causes two worlds to collide. I should elaborate - probably depressed over the fact that I slept with a girl I shouldn't have because it causes two worlds to collide...again. I don't know if I've mentioned my 'disability' before, but it's a crippling mental disease I developed due to a guilt complex I developed because of passive aggressive sociopathic behavior towards women. I have a really hard time sleeping with girls that I actually know, because it's like I want to keep the sex part of my life away from the rest of my life. Against all better judgment I slept with an english girl who is a good friend of a friend of mine, ran into the both of them again, was nice to her, and slept with her again.
So I was thinking of a way to control (or satisfy) my dirty dirty urges whilest not a.) being a dick to friends of friends, and b.) not making my life any more complicated then it already is. The obvious answer is bar starts, but that whole process blows and to be perfectly honest, my disability has led me to act like a secret agent; I don't even like people to know who I'm having sex with, when, or where. So, if I pick up at a bar or whatever, it's always ideal to not go to my house, and hope no one asks any questions. It's not a problem with work buddies or people I don't hang around with too often, but mainly around good friends. It's fucked but I'm pretty sure I've known most of you long enough for you to have seen this whole thing develop.
Anyways, so I had two needs: no strings attached sex, and discreet sex. How to satisfy this? Why, the internet of course. The perfect medium, especially once you consider my total hate of putting too much effort into girls. So, half-jokingly I put a profile and a picture up on a site. I say half-jokingly, but if you look at these sites that's what everyone says. The difference...mine's actually pretty much a big joke. The picture? the tough ass one I posted here with a cut on my nose and me trying to look bad-ass. The profile writeup? Basically something about how I fucked my nose up in some ridiculously heroic way, and how bad-ass I am. B latently sarcastic. The real icing on the cake is the satire. See, every fucking low-class chump on these sites (looking for casual sex at least) is one of those guys who works out a hell of a lot...not to better themselves or for sports...but to get chicks. They all have flexing and ab pics. I obviously played off their metro sexual circle jerk.
I talk about how much I love working out and how fit I am, then throw down examples of how fit I am by mentioning how many chin-ups I can do....5. Shit like that. Nice.
So I close the window, the hangover/guilt goes away and I don't think about it for a few days at all. Then I remember, go back in, and there's like 10 messages there for me. I'm not going to lie...75% of these girls have been beaten with the ugly stick, but that doesn't matter. What does is that this could maybe be the most entertaining thing in the world. I don't plan on sleeping with any of these girls, but I'm having a really fun social experiment here.
So, the point of the post - need a slump-buster? Go on dating site, post a profile that's just ridiculous, and just watch as mediocre girls try to get down your pants. Fucking gold mine.
I really hope I don't cave in
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That story is awesome. I really don't know why. It just is.
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You mention that you'd like to drink some wine. Honestly, that's a bit more long term than what I'm comfortable with. Would it be possible to skip that step? It's not that I'm a creep, it's more that sitting there drinking wine with someone kind of makes me feel like a lion in a cage. Really, I just have to be free.
With replies like that how couldn't inter-girls be all over me? There's even a subtle and classy classic movie reference in there.
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i think about possums and coons and how u can only see their eyes in the dark
And then sometimes you get the crazies.
And don't worry. Even if you have the context of this message, you realize the bitch is just as crazy as if you didn't. I shit you not.
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You must keep us updated on this.
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shit, are you online right now? Because we could have some fun.
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When I posted that last night I was being propositioned for sex by two women. via a built in web IM by two women. One's a longshore'man', the other is a truck driver who also 'shoes horses' and has a dirty dirty mouth. I needed help. I needed help badly. I now realize that there's an entire area of British Columbia I can never get out of my car in because I'll have to 'feel her tanned body pressing up against mine'. I think she may have been about two steps away from trying to get me to break out the robe and wizard hat before I said I had to go to bed and started drinking heavily.
Anyways, I'm a bit analytical in life and I'm trying to break this whole thing down. There's a big flaw with this system because you can't choose to disallow people from seeing if you're online or not. Now I'm kind of scared of getting more IMs from creepy women. You can allow to block people from seeing if you've viewed your profile, but that cuts off the effortless part of the game. I haven't initiated contact with anyone, I've just looked at people's profiles and they can see that. They make the decision to contact me or not. I think that's really the name of the game with this kind of thing, because this is all about efficiency and this cuts out at least some of the fat (but you're going to loose some good stuff as well).
People have in their profile what they're looking for. I believe the options are: hanging out, other relationship, dating, activity partner, long term, intimate encounter, and maybe some others. You can set it up so people looking for certain things can't contact you. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure 'hanging out' is just a less slutty way of saying you want to hook up.
Realistically this looks like a pretty lucrative market for those interested. In maybe an hour last night I had two manly women blatantly proposition me, and a moderately attractive one offer her phone number...which is out of town. Other girls send messages fairly often, so I think the 'view profile, don't leave message' thing works at least a bit. I'd assume if you were seriously interested in this kind of thing, you could make it a bit more efficient by messaging others, but only those who have viewed your profile. Personally, I don't know how you would initiate that kind of contact over the internet ; 'I like sex too!' is pretty much all that comes to mind.
The thing that kind of surprises me is that a lot of these girls will have profiles up and claim they want straight up sex, but in the same profile talk about how you're just not going to get into their pants straight away. Fair enough, but if you want people to not be creeps, don't post on the internet that you want to use someone as a sex toy.
I haven't been tainted yet, but I don't know how long that will hold out. It's just too easy and there are some decent looking girls on here...that I'd never have to see again.
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why are u all of a sudden avoiding me.....
the real answer is because you're a fucking longshoreman and you scare me. the joke answer will be because I'm scared of getting too attached. Lets see where this goes.
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You are a miserable human being.
I still love you though.
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You are a miserable human being.
I still love you though.
Heh, that makes 2 of us, in both possible ways. But this kind of misery I have not experienced. I'm too old to be looking for this sort of thing. At one time it worked like a light switch, but now there needs to be something more substantive there for me to do the deed. Aren't casual encounters with promiscuous strangers anathema to survival in the aids-infected world? Is this what online dating is really about? Everyone puts down clubs and bars as meeting places for prospective mates, but it seems to me that the online alternative may be a great deal more deceiving. I mean, how much of this kind of shit goes on even at the reputable sites?
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"Aren't casual encounters with promiscuous strangers anathema to survival in the aids-infected world?"
In a simple word: no. AIDS is pure Darwinism. Your chances of contracting it are inversely related to your intelligence level (in this part of the world at least). Wear a motherfucking condom and don't share needles with junkies and you should be fine. I'm sure there's a slight chance of a bad blood transfusion or something, but that's a whole other story. Condoms suck, so do seatbelts...but you wear both of them so that chance doesn't throw you on your deathbed because you got lazy/comfortable.
"Is this what online dating is really about?"
Probably not. I can't really say, since I've only looked at this one aspect of it. On this site (which is pretty big, free, and one we all probably know about) there are a lot of different categories of people to meet. Probably the majority are looking for something 'deeper' or more 'innocent'. I'm not going to fuck with those ones because I'm not that much of an asshole. I couldn't say how the exchange works for those people. On one hand I think it would be a lot less interesting on the surface, but oh so much more interesting if you really wanted to analyze it. You're judging a total stranger through text and a static picture but not for one night sex...for a major time and emotional investment. I could see it being a whole other world. That said, I don't think it would be the greatest way to meet someone to actually go out with. I'm sure there's a ton of nice girls on there, but I think you'd have a lot of artificial positives just because of lack of information. Whereas in person the artificial positive could only last like 2 min. in this case it might be dragged out for months until both felt comfortable to meet. Conversely, looking for straight up sex, the lag time between contact and personal meeting seems to be a lot shorter and that might reflect on the fact that the interpersonal time physically together is expected to be so much shorter. Again, another world, but I wouldn't judge the whole 'industry' off what I wrote, because I'm talking about a niche within it.
"Everyone puts down clubs and bars as meeting places for prospective mates, but it seems to me that the online alternative may be a great deal more deceiving."
Perhaps, but as much as I put down bars and clubs (which I do a lot) it's for other reasons. No one goes to a bar or club to look for a girlfriend. Or at least they shouldn't.
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I hope you hook up with some girl and fall in love, it'd lead to some good stories. “Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance” I want posts for them all.
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Ah, so young, so foolish.
You're talking about speed dating. As far as I'm concerned it's the stupidest thing in the world. Like a series of job interviews for a mate.
talking from experience?
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No, I don't think I could handle speed dating. I've just seen it in movies and stuff. Me + Speed dating would probably end up in some funny stories though. I have a feeling I'd get uncomfortable and just turn into a jackass...or pretend I was retarded.
Edit: And I have so much e-game it's sick.
I also sent a message to a girl on the site last night trying to be nice, inspired by an article on digg ( which I should actually try to find for this thread) about a guy parsing potential e-suitors for his son's hot nanny. I sent this chick some advice about attracting unwanted attention and how she might be giving people the wrong idea. Nope. Message read and deleted, profile updated. Turned down the nice, jacked up the slut. Well, I guess I helped her be more direct.
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In these double posts I will update with quotes and stuff. If it's annoying let me know and I'll try to intigrate, but I feel it provides a bit of a breaking point between discussion/narrative and quote/commentary posts.
I ran across this:
daddys79 : Looking for a sugar daddy
I'm a decent, highly educated, classy woman who is looking for a 'daddy' to love me and spoil me. I would prefer it if you were quite a bit older than me as I like mature sophisticated men.
In return you will be treated very well by me.
Serious enquires only please. I don't sleep around and I am only looking for one daddy, so there will have to be a special bond between us.
Personally, I wouldn't classify a gold digger as either classy or decent (materialistic and whore is a bit more on base), but that's just me. Either way I like to fuck around with people, so I sent her this
Intrigued - hear me out
I think I might be the right kind of man for you. That is if by "spoil me" you mean you'll buy me stuff like gas and 40oz of OE. On top of that, I think we'd be perfect for each other if by 'mature and sophisticated men' you mean ones that are a year younger than you but have the cardiovascular system and liver of a 60 year old man.
No, seriously...let me know. Seriously.
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lol! you're nuts.. very entertaining
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You're hillarious. I actually read your profile from my 'decent' profile on *** and hated the fact that you lived so far away. I think you'd be a blast to hang out with.
Interesting. That certainly wasn't what I was expecting.
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I've gone too far, lost control of the situation, and now I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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holy shit its in bold, what the fuck do we do!!!
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this makes the world a brighter, better place
(http://www.angloamerican.free-online.co.uk/magnum1.JPG)
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I will be compiling a full report in the future. But fuck, do I ever love icecream.
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Ice cream sounds yum right about now.
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So, I believe I'm now ready to finish my report. Should I start posting it here or in another thread?
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posting it here..
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The strategy
The strategy is simple; you need to get as much exposure to people as possible. This site has a feature where you can see who clicked on you to check out your picture/profile. This is your best weapon. Click on every single profile out there and people will notice, and then write you if interested. It beats the hell out of sending people messages, because in my experience that has about a 30% return rate. IF you’re actually serious about this kind of thing, I’d imagine you’d want to set some time aside, create a couple forms you could easily alter and personalize, and then send (spam) those out to anyone you’re interested in. That’s how I’d probably go about it.
Initially I had my profile set up under the ‘Intimate Encounters’ section of the site. This is kind of fucked. I went into it before a bit, but people there don’t really seem to know what the hell they are looking for. You’d imagine it’d be like “I’m in. I’ll meet you at your place and we’ll have sex.” The truth is, from what I can tell these people want to go on dates first. “They don’t want a relationship, but really need to get to know someone first” That’s a boyfriend.
I had a couple girls talk about immediate sex, and a few from out of town try to ‘line something up’, but I don’t know if I could actually make a sober decision to go and take down a stranger in a pre-planned way. Maybe when I’m older and creepier. These girls also weren’t very good looking. When you’re listed under intimate encounters people can still see your profile. It kind of reflects poorly on you if you have it listed. There are actually some users you can’t message if you ever had it listed. Personally, I wouldn’t suggest this route. The other downside is that most of the people listed in this section don’t show pictures. I guess they don’t want to be labeled as sluts. Keep in mind you can always see other sections of the site, so even if you don’t list yourself in intimate encounters, you can still see and talk to them. This is key.
I think the best way to list yourself is ‘hang out’ and not mention anything in your profile as to what you’re actually looking for. That’s easily the vaguest and I’d imagine you’d get the most hits. Most people will ask what you’re looking for which is kind of annoying, because it’s a total girl looking for a boyfriend question, no matter what they say. With Hang out on there you can pretty much twist that into anything depending on what they’re looking for and if you want to scare them off or entice them. People in this section also show their faces a lot more and seem significantly less crazy/fucking insane.
The other key is to create a new email address. This is something I do a lot. I probably have 4 semi-active msn accounts for reasons I won’t get in to here. I’d suggest setting up a brand new one dedicated only to the people you meet off the internet dating site. That way you can avoid them all at once, and can completely avoid them being able to track down who you are. I don’t know if that would be all that important, but in the days of facebook and the like it seems like a good idea to lead a modular lifestyle (which is probably the defining characteristic of mine. I hate any aspect of my life overlapping with another.) I have nightmares about some of these girls somehow tracking me down through facebook, adding me, and then generally infiltrating my personal life. That just should do.
And that brings me to the next key point – research. You need to research these people, which is another reason to use a completely separate email address/msn account. Google is pretty much useless for this type of research and no one uses MSN spaces. Load up facebook, use that address to find friends, and you contacts from your ‘creep’ msn account will be shown. Put their names in the search box and if they are in the same network, you can see pretty much everything about them.
Someone once told me that if you could get inside a prospective employee’s someone’s house for 10 min and absorb what was in there you could learn more about them then you could in a series of hour long job interviews. Facebook kind of works the same way. If their facebook account has like 1000 apps installed and it looks like a myspace account this person is probably ….well make your own judgment. Read their walls, look at their pictures, and see what kind of crazy motherfucker they are. Because I’m partially convinced that in some way or another they’re all crazy.
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Bitches
As you can imagine, mixed in with the crazies are the bitches. For instance:
If you do NOT meet the following criteria, STOP READING, and CONTINUE ON IN YOUR SEARCH.
-if you lack EDGE, if you have it you know what it is, if you don’t, LOL keep reading.
-if you're 5 ft 10 and shorter, STOP reading.
-non-Indians need not reply, nothing racist, just personal preference as we all have those.
-if you have not yet invested in a gym membership, as working out is essential, STOP reading but do continue enjoying your twinkie. LOL. I work out 5 days, 1-2 hours a day. Enough said.
-if you’re simply looking for some fine p@$%y, STOP reading.
-if you're bitter or burned from previous relationships, STOP reading, only positive happy people need respond.
-only those who are looking to base a friendship/relationship on loyalty, love, compassion and understanding respond, otherwise STOP reading because cheaters, liars or those lol so called players (those who try to shove their equipment into every hole available) need not respond.
-playing sports and being "active" doesn’t cut it, sorry men. I've met plenty of men who claim they're active but look nothing close to it.
-if you're stressing about that $5 dollar Frapuccino you're going to end up buying your date, or the measly $30 something meal, STOP reading.
-no show offs needed, we all know you GOT IT GOING ON OR DON'T from the way you conduct yourself, we don't need to hear about your daddy's accomplishments and riches as you seemingly interpret them as yours.
-lack confidence
-too bad if you feel this profile lacks compassion, doesn’t mean I need to adjust my standards because you feel sorry for yourself for not meeting the criteria.
-looking for a self made individual, no bums or those with lol questionable careers.
-needs to by physically attractive, chemistry is important!!! (If you don’t think so, then stop reading)
*ITS A SHALLOW WORLD, KNOW YOUR PLACE IN IT AND ATTEMPT TO WORK ABOVE IT!!!!
Any of you feel this is offensive or rude, its the truth!!!!!Dont sit there wallowing in your misery, go do something about it!!!This is what we as humans living in today's world look for, atleast I admit it!!And those wishing, "thank God I'm not Indian", go do a bit more research and you'll find women of all colors look for this in men.
Lets break this down:
-You need EDGE. That might mean like a razor-sharp intellect, but chances are it's like some kind of guy who either thinks he's a gangster and drives a suped up civic or some kind of guy who's really into mountain biking. Or something inbetween.
-It's not racist just because I'll only consider mating with my racel. Wait....yeah it totally is (pretty much by definiton), not really in the negative racist way, but I just need to go out of my way to explain I'm not a bigot. Like how some people only hire white people...it's just a preference.
-I work out a lot because I'm either unemployed or pretty much unemployed. I also laugh at my own jokes.
-I Don't need to deal with your shit, your job is to deal with mine.
-functional strength and cardiovascular health isn't as important as pecs and biceps. I like show muscles.
-I'm old fashioned, unemployed, AND demanding. No, I will never give you head or work, but I will try to control you. I'm a real catch.
-I'm reeeealy picky and single, although I don't want to be. Why would I adjust my standards?
-I laugh at weird times when I'm not even making jokes.
-I don't know what chemistry means, but that doesn't stop me from using the word.
-I have a completely self-absorbed and warped view of reality. I'm also not going to post a picture of myself for some reason.
-----------------------
Reply:
"I can't help being short and sort of white."
We'll see where this goes...but probably nowhere.
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That was a lot of typing when "I'm a totally shallow bitch, if you like that then email me!" would have been more to the point.
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But we got to enjoy gpw ripping on her, which made it all worth it.
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My original plan was awesome. I was going to ruin this bitch...but then I thought about it, and some jokes, while still funny, are also pretty mean. I think I'd like to stay away from that.
That said, every day I get into this shit gets a bit more strange in a different way. I'll post more in a while, but fuck.
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I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE
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I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE
EVASIVE MANEUVERS!
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I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE
After this statement, threads generally get more interesting. I am excited.
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Explanation forthcoming after I think for a bit about what I've done.
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brb, popcorn
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EVASIVE MANEUVERS!
(http://right-thoughts.us/images/uploads/Admiral-Ackbar-trap.jpg)
Seriously, though. We need to know what happened.
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(http://right-thoughts.us/images/uploads/Admiral-Ackbar-trap.jpg)
Seriously, though. We need to know what happened.
Fucking yes, I was hoping someone would do this. I love you, you magnificent bastard.
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I would tell you that I love you also, but you totally butchered my Scotty thread for a cheap laugh. Granted, I laughed, but still. Death unto you. And so forth.
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I would tell you that I love you also, but you totally butchered my Scotty thread for a cheap laugh. Granted, I laughed, but still. Death unto you. And so forth.
I could have done a lot worse, be grateful for my mercy.
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Yes, well, speaking of mercy, sweet Jesus gpw is taking his time.
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I'm seriously considering never speaking of this again. It's not that bad, I just kind of worked myself into a corner.
There are some girls on this that I have been talking to over a period of time. Girls like me. Some want to date me, some want to sleep with me. I set out doing this making sure I didn't have any intention of sleeping with any of these girls. I haven't done so, but that changed to I wouldn't sleep with any of these girls unless they were from out of town. That said, here's the short story of the breakdown.
I generally log onto this when I get home from work, leave the window open while I do whatever, and check it periodically. I don't know how many messages are average a day but I'm probably in contact with roughly 5-6 girls on this a day. A few I've talked to before, a few new. People tend to phase out. Anyways, One of these girls messaged me right at the start: She wants to have sex. She sends me a picture, and she's fairly good looking. It's pretty easy to avoid having sex with someone, you just crack a joke and slowly segue into the next subject. Last night she asks for my msn, sends me a picture of her tits and asks when I'm coming over. I can't. Basically a lie, but for whatever reason, I don't want to do it. I know if I nail one girl on this, it's over. I'll have no problem nailing the others. Fair enough. She plays it off cool. Whatever. Just a bit weird because she was totally cool with me not trying to have sex with her and I think she actually liked that. I don't know what made that change.
When I first changed my profile a few weeks ago to 'hang out' I almost instantly got this message from this chick who asked 'what I was looking for'. She'd seen it before and was curious about the switch. I sent some answer that wasn't too complicated, but danced around the question. She didn't get it. Should have been the first warning. I dumb it down and send it back, she gets it. I don't know why I did this in retrospect. I should have just stopped there. She asks questions and I *sort* of answer them. She wants my msn. I can't really explain it, but this bitch is fucking crazy. Accusing, low self-esteem, just generally weird. I know this girl. Not this specific girl, but the type, and for some reason dealing with them at all almost makes me feel a bit sick. That's extremely mean, but it's hard to explain how crazy needy these types of girls are. This chick is whacked. So, she's talking to me on msn and it's boring as fuck, but I go along for a while. I don't ask for a picture (this is the only girl to contact me without either sending one in the opening message or just having one), and she doesn't give me a full one. What she does do is inexplictly send me one of her lips, her chest chothed, and her bra. Great. I don't want this. I should point out that I do mention to all these girls that I'm pretty much screwing around and not looking for anything. Not a girlfriend, not sex, I'm just bored and like talking to people I don't really know.
This chick is pushy as to why I don't want to meet her. Like weird pushy. Then she's all feeling sorry for herself and all this. Whatever, I nicely end the conversation after one of these things, log out and block the fuck out of her. She sends the same message every night "Go to bed". Whhhhhhat the fuuuuck? I probably should have just done the cut off, but I foolishly thought I could do a slow phase out. Anyways, I unblock her last night, as per the slow phaseout plan. First message. "What are you doing?" "Why don't you come over here and fuck me". I can't remember how I declined but I got a "What the fuck is wrong with you? You too good to fuck me?" Oh shit, the 'library is closing and I have to go'. Blocked. Last night; "Go to bed. You'll need your sleep". After work "Have you decided to be a man yet?". Apart from the fact that this chick is fucking crazy, she was also very adament that she would not sleep with me at the start thinking I had some secret plan. Bitch you contacted me. Why the 180? No idea. Blocked, avoid forever.
So this other girl is much the same. She messaged me right at the start, but was totally looking for a boyfriend. I basically filled her in. Whatever, she gave me her number and wanted to meet sometime. Good looking. I never called because I'm not going to. She was pretty cool about the whole thing. So, I'd occasionally talk to her on msn, and she was normal enough. I haven't talked to her in a while, and she messages me today with the awesome opening like of "I really want you. I really want to fuck you". I should point out that where that says 'fuck' it goes through her msn as a devil totally giving it to an angel. I don't know why.
So, anyways, this chick isn't too low class, stupid, crazy, or ....well, I don't actually think there's anything wrong with her. I don't want to be a dick, but I try to find a way out of this. The whole "joke, misdirect, move on" isn't working. At all. She's too blunt. Now, if you've ever told a girl straight up that you're not going to have sex with her, you know you need a good motherfucking reason. I don't have one, and can't make one up at that point. I try to turn it around. "I'd totally be down, but you're not like that." She says good girls can essentially be sluts every once in a while as well. I express my concern she might be 'unkowingly' hoping it wil turn into something more. No go. I ask if she thinks she'll be cool about it after of if she'll be unhappy she did it. Who am I to tell her how she'll think.
I'm grasping at staws here. She just graduated university and just moved back into her parents place untill she finds a real person job. I use that excuse. We don't have a place to do it. She has lots of nice parks by her house, and there's also the automobile option. I think she's great and deserves something a bit better then a park and a sex blanket. That's not what she thinks.
Do you see what I did here? I fucking worked myself into a corner. Back when I apealed to her sense of higher morality, because she's not like that. I said I was down. I also said I was down when we just didn't have a place to do it. HAd I manned up and been like "I just don't feel comfortable pre-arranging sex in a public place with someone I've never met" I think I'd be fine. No feelings hurt, no dilemma. But I came off hot from two 'close calls' (is it a full moon?) and was probably cocky.
It ended with me trying to squirm out, and not being able to. Eventually I bought more time. She had to go out to a bar. What bar? The Bourbon. Fuck! I'm susposed to meet someone there later. That aside, where it's left at is I should text her for sex, or we can do this another night. I only have two options here: Full out avoidance or nail her. So, what it comes down to is will power versus drunk sex drive. I know what usually wins.
But, the real dilemma. If I nail this girl, there's no way I'm not going to nail the others. And I know how that will end: massive panic attack, possible breakdown.
NEVER TELL CRAZY SHE CAN HAVE A BABY.
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Step 1 - find a hammer.
Step 2 - smash hammer into your face repeatedly.
Step 3 - go into a coma and pray the horny psycho doesn't rape you while you're unconscious.
EDIT - But seriously, I have no idea how to respond to that. I can see why it's weird, and I can see why you don't want to go down the path of least resistance... so I guess what I'm saying is don't. Worse comes to worse, you blow the chick off and she hates you. In the end, what does it matter? It may not be great, but it beats the alternative.
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A++ would read again
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I didn't really make that very clear, but I think I got the point across. The only one I'm really concerned about is the third girl. The first is a blatent slut, a few days ago she told me in a message on the site that she slept with some guy with a penis ring. 'It was great and she pretended it was me'. At the time I thought it was funny. I'm still 60% convinced it was a joke, but it's hard to tell with the internet.
The second chick is a non issue. She was only brought into it because within a 24 hour period three girls (two of which would have been the hardest to crack that I've spoken too - if I wanted to crack them) blatently propositioned me after weeks of back and forth non-sexual conversation. I believed that to have bearing. She's also fucking insane.
The third girl is a bit of an issue because it's one of those people I'd genuinly feel bad about hurting. Not that she's a friend or anything, but I feel bad when nice people somehow get hurt in any way because of my actions. I can't see anyway at all it won't end up like that.
This got a whole lot less fun. I was going to break the posts up by categories. The next one was going to be "The Crazies". Now I just want to stop this whole thing.
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Maybe that would be wise? I find it hard to say that just because that means no more hijinks (aww), but it might be better for your sanity.
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GPW, be a man and tell her straight you don't want to hurt her.
If she's smart enough, she'll get it.
Reading this thread makes me laugh but sometimes makes me want to cry Laugh cause it's funny and cry because it's so sad how impossibly neurotic each of us can be looking for some sort of happiness/attention/whatever it is.
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See, I did that more or less. The problem is I'd have to be a man and tell her I don't want to have no-strings attached sex with her...for no real reason except I don't want to have sex with someone from the internet.
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cliche: the truth hurts!
No dating and staying-single-till-someone-serious-comes-around rule keeps life simple 8) But becoming a hermit isn't very nice either.
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I see nothing wrong or hurtful about telling someone that you don't get intimate until you get to know and like the other person. Sex without strings rarely works out. Things get complicated. If the problem is that you gave that impression initially (or outright said you wanted casual sex) then just backpedal. Say you reconsidered, saw the light, whatever works for you. Thanks, but no, thanks.
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See, I did that more or less. The problem is I'd have to be a man and tell her I don't want to have no-strings attached sex with her...for no real reason except I don't want to have sex with someone from the internet.
So basically, you're saying there's a vagina where your penis should be?
jokes jokes.
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Don't go easy on him -- Let him have it. He needs it.
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Oh, alright.
So, how's that second X chromosome working out for ya?
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So, you're saying I should have sex with her right?
Anyways, got a message back from the chick with the bitchy profile I posted here:
hahah, dont be too let down... this is a fake profile! to weed out the haters, the losers and of course the REAL MEN!!lol
Not that great, but it makes me curious. Does she cross reference her hits with this profile against the one on her other? That'd be brilliant. I must find out...
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~l~ says:
ever fuck in the rain! !
G says:
why yes, yes I have
~l~ says:
oh
~l~ says:
i havent
G says:
really? You're missing out. If only I could pencil you in tonight..
~l~ says:
lol
~l~ says:
if only!
~l~ says:
id rock ur socks off!
G says:
Man, I hate losing socks. but that would still probably be a ver y enjoyable five min. I mean evening.
~l~ says:
lol
~l~ says:
ur silly
G says:
what's your plan for tonight?
~l~ says:
not a thing...think i might head out for soemthin to eat...but not sure yet...really bored though
~l~ says:
what about u! !
~l~ says:
or mayb ill find some1 2 fuck me since u dont want to
~l~says:
joking
G says:
I'll kill that motherfucker
~canucksgurl~... says:
lol
~l~ says:
fuck me then!
~l~... says:
i want u
~l~ says:
soooo deep inside me
~l~... says:
i want to feel u explode
~l~ says:
i want to feel ur body against mine
G says:
my...my mom is reading this right now
G says:
....this is bad.
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"cunucksgurl" eh?
if she's this one; http://www.nexopia.com/profile.php?uid=148282, i feel sorry for you. however, if it's this one; http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=27241405, i just hope your mind can withstand the visual abuse of seeing her naked.
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haha. I was trying to avoid that, because that would be an actual dick move. Luckily no, and no. MSN name, not the name she uses for stuff. Well, on the site anyways.
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If you pull out the robe and wizard hat you'll be my hero.
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I think we should make the frontpage GPW's post history.
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I think we should make the frontpage GPW's post history.
Yes.
Also,
G says:
my...my mom is reading this right now
G says:
....this is bad.
made me laugh really, really hard.
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ahaha I liked that part a lot too.
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hahahaha, I just updated myself on this thread.
You know if I didn't know gpw I would have thought he was full of shit and trying to come off as some lady's man poser, but only after knowing him that I can believe hes avoiding sex with hot chicks. You need to write a book about your escapades, fuck Tucker Max.
You'd be every man's hero.
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To be fair, the ratio of hot girls to mediocre girls on these sites seems to be pretty low. Then again, I might be tainted by the fact that I've developed this thing where if a girl types or communicates like a fucking moron they instantly look uglier.
One of the funnier things about this is that when you're logged into this site checking your mail you can see the last 20 or so people to check theirs within a certain mile radius of you (I think 500). I've seen 4 girls I know pop up in there. One because I instantly recognized her, 2 because they use the same pictures as they do on Facebook, and the other because I accidentaly clicked on her profile. I hope I got away with that scott free. I don't know if they've seen me or not. I log out right the fuck away. Then I learned that I can right click on the thumbnail, copy the address, log out and then check their profile. Hilarious. I'd be worried about them checking mine out, but I"m not too worried about someone running across this:
Interests
Sit ups
push ups
jumping jacks
poetry
other peoples needs
kegels - wait why the hell did I say that?
About Me
I'm not going to lie to you here; I'm pretty awesome. I'm also pretty humble. Who can't love that? Some people might think that me saying that I'm pretty awesome automatically excludes me from being humble, but really that's all just part of the mysterious contradiction that is my bad-ass self.
You'll notice from my picture that I look pretty tough. I had a cut on the bridge of my nose at the time which really amplifies the effect of my rock solid manliness. I got it when I drop-tackled a rouge cougar that was going after a small child.
I turned down the medal.
First Date
I'd probably start it off with casually showing you how many chin-ups I can do (5-7 depending on the day and humidity) and take it from there.
In fact, I'd like for as many people I know to see it as possible, but to be too embarassed to tell their friends. That said, I don't know if any of them have seen me. I've only seen one since we were both on at the same time, and she poked me in the stomach on the way to the bar to get a drink. I talked to her friend for a bit and left and then she sent me a message on facebook the next day not mentioning the fact that she probably saw my profile on a dating site, but mentioning how it was a shame I left because we hadn't hung out in a long time...which was only a half truth. I don't know if she's just being friendly (not a friendly girl), or if she wants to sleep with me (again...there was a summer where she wanted to sleep with me, but ..nevermind, it's a long story that's not entertaining unless you know the third party).
Nevertheless, I can see why people don't want to have "intimate encounter" on their profile, but instead go for "hang out". Clever.
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We can try a new game. I will reply to this:
Hello!
I looked at some profiles on here before I joined and I noticed the ones that cought my attention were the ones with some honesty. So here it goes.
I'm a girl who knows what she wants and is on the road to get it. I work very hard at my job and do very well. I have a lot of goals in life and i'm looking for a partner to help me achieve them and maybe even join me on some of them. I am very normal! Meaning I have no baggage, I just want to meet a nice guy. Im a good looking, confident, athletic girl. I go to the gym often; I also am in a running group. I love hiking, biking, snowboarding, skating, and if you can introduce me to another one I’m all for it! I’m a natural blonde with green/brown/grey eyes (yeah I know it depends on the light)
If you are the man for me you will be:
Able to laugh at yourself!
Confident in yourself.
Honest, patient, respectful and loving.
Goal focused.
Able to keep up with me!
Can be my friend and my boyfriend.
A DOG PERSON!
I am looking for someone to spend time with, or I guess I should say someone I enjoy spending time with. I don’t have a problem meeting guys and I’m going to be blunt and say it happens to me often. BUT their the wrong “type” of guy… I mean sure they look good after a few beers in some dark lighting but when I actually go on the date with them they turn out to be from some other planet.
Anyway I may sound picky and stuck up but I think people need to be in order to get what they want.
Here is my intended reply:
I stumbled across your job application and was very impressed. My night manager even went so far as to say that he thouroughly enjoyed the "cut of your jib". I don't know exactly what that means, but it sounds good and his opinion means a lot to me; I'd trust that man with my life.
Now that the secret is out that we're impressed with you here at Gregg Industries, I think it's time for us to try to recruit you to the team. Our method will be to answer how we fit the description of the man for you. Please bare with me here, I'm really nervous. Whew...here goes.
I am very capable of laughing at myself. I do it a lot. I've also discovered that others are also very capable of laughing at me. Not with me, as some might think, but directly at me. I take this as a sign that I fit in, which is a bonus because you didn't mention that.
I'm very confident in my abilities to make others laugh at me as well as my natural skill in making any situation worse for myself. In fact, I'm 99% positive I can ruin any sure thing with minimal effort - I'm that good at what I do.
I'm very honest, perhaps to a fault. I mean, it saved the court a lot of time once, but it kind of screwed me over for a few years. Right after that I found out how patient I could be. There isn't a lot to do where they sent me, but I got through it because of my stoic-like patience. That is not to say, however, that others faired the same. My 'roomate' wasn't very patient although he did teach me I could be very loving, and he taught me always to be respectfull after I got traded around the place for a pack of smokes or a sharpened toothbrush. He was a great mentor.
I might be the most goal focussed person you'll ever meet. When watching hockey, I find it's always very efficient to just watch the goal. That way you don't wste too much valuable energy moving your head around. As a bonus you also avoid alchohol and motion induced spins. Oh, and it helps you avoid dreaded eye-contact with strangers.
As for keeping up with you, I'm not sure what you mean. I'm going to assume you mean party like really hard (check this out: wooooooooo!) or run really fast. In both cases the answer is: It'd be impossible to tell you since I don't have any quantifiable data pertaining to the question. Specifically I need to know how hard you can party or how fast you can run before I can answer that question. It's really hard to solve for multiple variables.
I'm well trained at being a friend and a boyfriend. I have a different personality for each one, which works really well. I do have to warn you that Steve, the friend personality, gets a bit clingy. At the same time, Charles, the boyfriend personality gets a bit possesive and jealous. I'm going to need to be assured that you will breakup any fights I get into with myself in the least dramatic way possible in public, but the most dramatic way possible in private.
And I love dogs! If by dogs you mean cats. Otherwise, they're alright...but they're not cats.
Anyways, I feel good about this interview. We'll keep your records on file here and if you have any further questions you know how to get a hold of us. Have a good day and a safe drive home.
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This thread has made me laugh far too many times.
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Greg has way too much free time.
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Hahaha fucking awesome, you just gave my roommate and I a good laugh GPW. Jesus christ, this thread needs to be stickied.
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What the fuck Pug? I thought we were friends. If anything I don't have enough free time, I just like really avoiding school work.
On that note, I just got home from work and saw that she read the note, but didn't write back. I take it it's either because I blew her motherfucking mind or because she's just too nervous. Ooooor she just skipped over it because it's not less than a hundred words and I don't have a picture of me with no shirt on in front of my bad ass camero in my low-rent low class suburbian house.
Now we play the waiting game while I look for new victims.
PS. A girl messaged me the other day who claims to be 18 but it pretty obviously 16 or so. To catch a predator?
-
Oh my god. This gets BETTER and BETTER.
-
I'd usually feel like a bit of an asshole doing this, but it has to be shared and I no longer have roomates:
everyone who meets me luvs meI'm a very ambitious, nice, outgoing, independent women who's very open minded with a good attitude. I don't give a fu*k what anyone says or thinks, I just do what I wanna do when I wanna do it. I'm a girl that likes to lead life as simple as possible. I'm not into drama, games, lies or bullsh*t
I'm a confident girl that is 5'5" with long brown hair to my a$s with blonde streaks. I have my eyebrow, tounge, ears and nipples pierced. No tatties. Men with tatties or piercings are a big turn on for me. I do warn ya if I'm attracted to you I'm quite the nympho with a co*k obsession.
I was born & raised in a small town, I've lived in Vancouver for the past 7 years. I have a good head on my shoulders and have built a good life here in Vancouver. I am the type of girl that is totally upfront and honest. I am who I say I am and I expect the same. I am quite wild and fun but at the same time I know how to just settle down and be responsible when needed. I am very independent I don't rely on anyone for anything, my family doesn't live here so my time is spent working and having a blast with friends.
I live each day to the fullest. I'm a solid believer on trying everything well almost everything in life at least once. Life is too short to hold back!! I am a real people person a social butterfly as you can call it, I have no problem meeting people.I have enjoyed being single the last 2 years and have met over 500 people at clubs, pubs, through friends, events, concerts, the mall, the internet, etc..
What I like: DOUBLE RUM & COKE in 1 hand and a shot of Aliza in the other,shootin pool, token that good B.C.chronic, hangin out with my friends, clubbin ~n~ pubbin, partying, watchin hockey & UFC, cruzin, golf/mini golf, camping, going to the beach, road trips, raves, concerts, 420 baby and much more. I pretty much like anything and everything(AND I MEAN THAT).... If there is anything else you would like to know, just ask cause I'm certainly not shy!!
PROVEN FACT: THE LENGTH FROM A MANS WRIST LINE TO THE TOP OF HIS MIDDLE FINGER EQUALS THE LENGTH OF HIS CO*K WHEN ITS FULLY HARD!!
(http://pics.plentyofsite.com/dating/41/Burnaby_dating_15546569.jpg)
Not that it really matters, it's the one on the right. Sick. She's also doing that hand thing in all 5 or 6 of her low class pictures.
-
These are the kinds of people that make me want to commit horrible and generally homicidal acts on a daily basis. I was going to say that somebody should invent a repellent for these types of people, but then it occurred to me that we already have several. Like intellect. And deodorant.
-
oh, hey the guy in the picture is throwing some kind of gang sign. I was originally going to say that looking at the pic is like a black man watching a movie and you're all yelling out "DON'T DO IT!" but after seeing that, he totally deserves what he gets. AIDS. From a disgusting girl.
Oh, and her name thing was "blazemaryjane420 : PaRtY LIkE a RoCkStAr, FuK LiKe PoRnStAr"
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Thats not a gang sign, hes saying "My brain is this big."
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If by brain you mean penis, then yes.
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I think I killed some brain cells reading that profile and seeing that picture, huffing paint probably would have been healthier.
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Not to mention more pleasant.
-
These are the kinds of people that make me want to commit horrible and generally homicidal acts on a daily basis. I was going to say that somebody should invent a repellent for these types of people, but then it occurred to me that we already have several. Like intellect. And deodorant.
Back in the day these sorts of people were taken out back and never seen again. Our society has gone seriously downhill since then.
-
It's probably time to tell you about the Ghost Whisperer. I've held it in long enough.
So, when I first started this a few months ago, one of the original people to contact me was this lady from a shitty town around here. I say lady because she was somewhere in her mid 30's, and I say shitty town because I've been there and it's really shitty. Anyways, she seemed nice enough, and was pretty good looking in a 'I'm totally not a slut and I'm like 35 kind of way'. Nice face, nice body, glasses, looked normal - which is something I wasn't really expecting at that point.
Anyways, she had been in a relationship for like 8 or 9 years and just got out of it. I think she said she only had sex with like 2 other people before. Remember: at this point my 'category' was Intimate Encounter, as was hers. She's really friendly, but also raised the first self-doubts about this whole thing. She quickly got past the talking stage and wanted to know when we were going to have sex. Luckily, she lived very far away, so this was easy as hell to avoid. This was the first time I kind of figured I might be doing a bad thing here.
We kept on inter-talking, probably a message or so a day, and she wants my msn. I think this is when I went and set up my alternate account. She sent me some tattoo picks, which people should never do because tattoos look pretty gross when photographed with a flash and some face shots. I think at one point she wanted to cyber. I had to stop and think for a second here because I could either A.) not do it or B.) ride my bike into the sunset with Stone Cold. I went for option A because it seemed like the less assholey thing to do. To be fair, I don't know if that's what she was getting at, but she was asking a lot of sex questions I certainly didn't feel comfortable talking about at the time with a total weird stranger.
So, anyways, then things get really fucking weird. She wants me to go up there and stay with her for a weekend. Um, haha? I'm super busy....untill like march. That's cool, she can come down here. Uh, I live with like 6 roomates in a really bad situation, it probalby wouldn't be cool. Oh, she can get a hotel?
Now, this is a fork in the road again. Best option: delay a response. "Yeah, that'd totally be cool, I just don't know when would be a good time." She's cool with that. Oh, by the way, she then lets it drop that she's fucking crazy. See, at this point she decides she needs to tell me that she feels a really deep connection with someone on the internet she's never actually met before. So deep in fact, that she feels like telling him weird things you should never tell anyone (or even really think about).
I can't remember the context, but at some point she said something about being really powerful. Now, if you want to make someone really curious, just hint that you're 'very powerful' because I had to fucking know what she meant by that. At first she didn't want to tell me, and that was cool. I asked once and dropped it, but then she remembered the 'extra special stranger connection' and decided she just had to tell me. You see, she sees and hears ghosts. She also controlls ghosts. Every house she has ever lived in has had multiple ghosts because she's drawn to ghosts or ghosts are drawn to her or something like that. She said some other stuff that I can't really remember because the blood was rushing to my head as I was thinking about two weeks into the future when someone would find my mangled body after this chick tracked me down and stabbed the fuck out of me because the ghost of Marc Anthony didn't like the inter-competition. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I know she was typing for like 5 min, and I was just sitting there staring at the screen thinking about how utterly fucked this whole thing was. I might still have the transcript on my other computer, and if I do I feel it's now in the public domain and I'll post it, but there is a good chance I erased it in a panicked 'I have to pretend that never happened' moment.
See, it would have been funny, but I felt bad. This girl was bat-shit insane and I obviously had some weird effect on her, but I can't keep this game up. So, ultimately, she's either going to be pissed and send ghosts after me, or be really hurt by the fact that I just dissapeared - because I can't slowly let this taper off, I need to cut contact ASAP.
Still, I sent a message to her every couple of days or so on the site. Kept it really short and boring, and totally didn't log into that msn account. Then, all of a sudden she dissapeared. Generally, it's a huge relief (it's been probably two months since last contact), but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what the hell the Ghost Whisperer is doing right now.
Oh, and I think she was totally deaf. Hot.
-
She and her ghost friends are searching for you right now.
-
You might want to be, you know, not home on Halloween.
-
Maybe she's become a ghost too. Dude, stay home on Halloween. Imagine it.
(http://www.tcnj.edu/~wygand2/personal%20site/music%20pictures/200px-Ghost_movie.jpg)
-
Do what Kams did as a joke. Have one your friends send a message to her on MSN that you died in an accident. Eventually she will see your ghost even though you are still with us.
You can take this opportunity to step out of the picture, or send her e-mails from the grave.
-
Backround: this girl started talking to me a few weeks ago. I noticed something was wrong right away and avoided her. She eventually got the point and disappeared. She showe'd up on the site tonight with a different name and sent me this:
::): hey
::): u think im werid right
gpw11: yes
::): sweet thanks
gpw11: That's what I'm here for
::): im sure u are
::): got n single cute guy friends
gpw11: none that I think would work out for you
::): why caue im too weird or too ugly
gpw11: no, not at all, but because they're single because they want to be single
::): they are gay
gpw11: seriously?
::): huh
gpw11: who told you this?
::) i think you are too
gpw11: Oh shit!
::): what
gpw11: DON'T TELL ANYONE!!
gpw11: seriously, my mom would fucking kill me. They already have a lesbian daughter.
::): come on, u dont want a gf,
::): you don tlike girls
gpw11: shhhhhh. Not too loud.
::): rolling my eyes at u
gpw11: what? Why? That's a hate crime
gpw11: So, seriously, how'd you figure it out?
::): your not gay
gpw11: what?!
::): your not gay
gpw11: I don't know, now you got me thinkng about it and I might be.
gpw11: I did fuck that guy once
-
This thread gets better and better.
-
I did fuck that guy once.
Haha, pure gold.
-
Yeah, that got really weird after. See, the site has it's own im that opens in a java popup window, and that's basically where that conversation went down. I always intend to disable it, but a.) I'm too lazy and b.) it only has to work once. That said, the people who try to talk to you on it are usually the ones you don't want to talk to.
Anyways, so I close that window, go to my inbox, and see a message from this girl. "See what you could have had" is the message, and below that is a horribly lighted picture of this girl's breasts being pushed up in a water bra. It was actually pretty gross, especially because she's crazy. I don't know what her face looks like, but it's probably not good. Under that, in quotes "Too Bad, So Sad" and a little smiley face holding a sign saying "shit happens" Anyways, all that aside, I decided it was probably time to stop all contact with this girl, and the previous methods weren't working too well. So, I sent her a message saying something to the extent of how she's totally freaking me out. I can't remember what she replied and when I eventually blocked her the system also deletes all the messages she sent me, but I'm fairly certain she tried to convince me she was someone I know, right after she tried to convince me in various other ways that she isn't actually weird, I'm just probably kind of gay or a creep, and she just does this as a dare/as a joke with her friends/as an experiment/whatever.
I imagine I'll get some rude message under another username eventually. Now, Ghost Whisperer was kind of eccentric, but this chick is full blown fucking nuts.
-
(http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5743/clipboard01nh8.th.jpg) (http://img90.imageshack.us/my.php?image=clipboard01nh8.jpg)
-
I could totally make jokes right now about how certain people here are totally going to go find her now. But I won't.
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Heh, that would be funny. Like, if someone here sent her a message about a date on friday night at the local italian place. That would be funny. I would really get a laugh out of that. IF SHE DOESN'T RESPOND I SWEAR I'LL KILL MYSELF.
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Do you dislike blind dates as much as we do???Well...here is your opportunity to grab your friends,brothers,cousins...and go on a triple date!;)))...(with the 3 of us on this profile!!!)
We are charismatic,fun,talented,well-educated,well-travelled,family and goal-oriented girls,that are full of life!
We are looking to meet the same in 3 guys...if you are out there dont be a stranger,say hello and let the fun begin!!!;)
Holy shit. I can't tell if it's a joke or not. "Hey bro, I was just looking on this internet dating site, and there's these three girls who want to go on a a triple date. Yeah? Awesome. I don't know, we'll get Gary in on it. We can probably convince him to take the hideous one."
-
G says:
THat's hot. I love the total lack of feminine features and I really hope you have a massive penis
In context it's not nearly as funny so just use your imagination. Needless to say the whole joke thing didn't go over well.
-
shawty: hey
Gpw11: what's going on?
shawty: how are you
Gpw11: good, and you?
shawty: good
shawty: how was ur weekend
Gpw11: IT was pretty solid. I got bombed
shawty: ddi u dress up
Gpw11: yes
shawty: as what
Gpw11: A wizard
Gpw11: I put on my robe and wizard hat
shawty: lol
Gpw11: Do you like to dress up?
shawty: yup
shawty: i dress up as a naught shcool girl
Gpw11: I cast level 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman
shawty: huh
Gpw11: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
shawty: english please
Gpw11: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
shawty: ok
Gpw11: Wanna cyber?
*** shawty's IC window is closed
My name has been changed. Her's, however, has not. Come on now - shawty? Are you serious?
-
This thread is the best free entertainment ever.
-
You're my hero, gpw.
-
Holy shit, after reading this I can die happy.
-
shawty: hey
Gpw11: what's going on?
shawty: how are you
Gpw11: good, and you?
shawty: good
shawty: how was ur weekend
Gpw11: IT was pretty solid. I got bombed
shawty: ddi u dress up
Gpw11: yes
shawty: as what
Gpw11: A wizard
Gpw11: I put on my robe and wizard hat
shawty: lol
Gpw11: Do you like to dress up?
shawty: yup
shawty: i dress up as a naught shcool girl
Gpw11: I cast level 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman
shawty: huh
Gpw11: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
shawty: english please
Gpw11: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
shawty: ok
Gpw11: Wanna cyber?
*** shawty's IC window is closed
My name has been changed. Her's, however, has not. Come on now - shawty? Are you serious?
Hahahaha! We really need the old ROFL smiley back.
(http://home.cinci.rr.com/jgoods/images/rotfl.gif)
-
Whatever happened to the smiley repository? It seems like we were going to import the old fun ones we had, then we never did.
-
I just downloaded all of them with IDM (from TME). Want me to post a rar file? It would be small enough for my meager 5 MB, I think.
Edit: Oh yeah, it's like under 300K total.
-
Well, I can't do anything with them given my lack of admin status, but throw them scott or ant's way and I'm sure we can put them to use!
-
OK, let me do that. I may have to use a false extension, depending on my ISP rules for webspace use. Back in a bit . . .
Edit: Didn't have to cheat. RAR was accepted. So the link is here (http://home.cinci.rr.com/jgoods/images/Icons.rar). Should I be PM'ing this?
-
This makes all of my woman problems not look so bad.
-
gpw is my hero.
-
Whatever happened to the smiley repository? It seems like we were going to import the old fun ones we had, then we never did.
I remember Scottws telling me uploading emoticons has caused problems resulting in all smileys replaced by little red Xs, which is why he hasn't managed to add.
edit:
Just read GPW's post. That is hilarious. You should have dedicated that to Idol at the end. :)
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I love this thread.
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Dogma, dude!! Your back, welcome!
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Dogma! Is it really you? If so, I demand you immediately create a thread and say... like... things.
-
Yes. He finally escaped from my basement. I should never given the key ring to the particularly inept guard.
-
Well apparently you do get seduced easily.
-
kh- BLING* says:
I DIDNT WORK
jkh- BLING* says:
actually
G says:
What? The paper mache version of you told me she did. That lying whore
G says:
OH GOD, I THINK I KILLED HER. WHAT DO i DO?!
G says:
THERE IS NEWSPAPER AND PLASTER EVERYWHERE, THEY'LL TOTALLY KNOW IT WAS ME
jkh- BLING* says:
man
jkh- BLING* says:
iom bored
jkh- BLING* says:
im gonna play solitaire AGAIN
...what?
-
jkh- BLING* is in itself a confusing username.
-
Profession: security officer for a Casino
Just im'd me. This should be good.
-
Is that a chick? Who works as a security officer at a casino?
If you ever pull a heist you could use her.
-
We decided she was most likely trying to rob me.
-
WARNING EXPLICIT SURPRISE CYBERING
Christine says:
hey.. i have a great ferry ride story for you.
G says:
This better involve breaking bottles
G says:
or firecrackers
Christine says:
it takes a while to tell though... how are you on the sleep issue
G says:
I'm good for a bit
Christine says:
wanna hear it?
G says:
yes, yes I would
Christine says:
k
Christine says:
The weekend is here and I hop on the ferry for a trip to vancouver to see my friends. After I have some lunch I go upstairs to the outside deck to enjoy the sunshine. I am dressed as sexy as ever. A cute little tank top with a very short skirt and knee high boots. The sun feels good as the warm wind blows up my skirt, it feels even better because I am not wearing any panties!
Christine says:
As I have my eyes closed and am soaking up some rays my sunlight gets blocked out. I open my eyes and look over, there you are sitting not too far from me. Your shadow has stopped the warmth from hitting my body.
Christine says:
I sit up and move over to get back in the sun. I watch you as you look over the railing. I check you out from top to bottom. You look over to me and I suddenly glance away. I look over back and you and notice you still checking me out. I am sitting on the ground with my legs together and stretched out. I look around and see there is no one really that near except you. So I decide to be daring and
Christine says:
i bend my knees up and spread my legs just a little bit. As you once again glance over to me, I look the other away at the coastal mountain view. I allow the wind to lift my skirt up giving you full view under my skirt. You just keep staring as I caress the inside of my thigh.
Christine says:
I slowly turn my head your way and give you a very innocent look then turn my head back to the mountains. Once more I look over to you and notice not only the big smile on your face but the large bulge coming from the front of your jeans. I then stand up, give you that innocent look again and you think I will walk over to you but instead I slowly walk into the solarium area and of course you
Christine says:
follow me. I open the door that goes downstairs and walk in but thru the window you see me walk into the ladies washroom. You follow me in there.
Christine says:
I am standing in front of the sink counter by the mirror. You walk right up behind me and put your hands on my hips. You press your bulging jeans up against my ass. I lean my head back onto the front of your shoulder. My hair is up in a ponytail so my neck is fully exposed. You start by lightly Sucking on my neck. Kissing and Sucking on it. You lick up my neck and nibble on my earlobe Sucking and
Christine says:
and biting on it. You bite hard on my neck and you feel my body quiver. Your hands move up the front of my chest cupping my breasts. Your hands squeeze my breasts together. You can feel my hard nipples trying to poke thru my top. You unbuton my sweater and cup my breasts again!! You slowly slide my sweater off, exposing my sexy black bra. You move your hands down my body and down my legs, then bac
Christine says:
back up.
You slighlty bend me over the counter and you get down on your knees. You start out rubbing my legs up and down. On the outside and then inside. Then you rub your hands up the back of my legs and you rub my ass. As I bend over some more my short skirt lifts up over my ass.
Christine says:
You start out rubbing my ass cheeks, then I feel your tongue lick between my wet lips. You lick up and down my moist lips. I feel your tongue press up against my clit as you smack my ass. I reach under and start rubbing my clit as I feel your tongue rapidly lick up and down between my wet lips.
Christine says:
You stand up and I turn around and face you. I undress you till you are just in your boxers. I get down on my knees in front on you and start rubbing your cock thru your boxers. You look down and see me looking up at you with a big grin on my face. I take a hold of the sides of your boxers and gently tug your boxers down.
Christine says:
I see the base of your shaft appear as I pull then down some more. Then I see more of your cock and more until your hard throbbing cock pop out! I take you in my hands and start stroking your cock with one hand while I massage your balls with the other. You feel my tongue lick around the head of your cock as I stroke you some more.
Christine says:
I rub the head of your cock as you feel my tongue licking your balls. Then from the base of your cock I slowly lick up along the bottom half of your cock till I have to the head and then I Suck on it. Mmmmmm that tastes so good. I Suck your head I stroke you harder and harder. Then I slide more of your cock into my mouth and down my throat. I have all of your hard throbbing cock deep inside my mo
Christine says:
mouth. I slowly start Sucking on your cock but quickly that turns into a fast motion. Your cock going deep in my mouth then out as I lick around the head of your cock. I slide your cock all the way down my throat until I choke on it. I take you out of my mouth as saliva drips off your cock. I lick it up before it falls off your cock as I twirl my head around in circles. My mouth vibrating on your
Christine says:
cock.
I stand up and you sit me on the counter. I wrap my legs around you and pull you close to me. You take my hands and hold them behind my back. You lean over and Suck, lick, and bite on my neck. You move your tongue down my body and circle it around my hard nipples. You gently Suck on one nipple licking and biting it. Then you glide your tongue over to the other one and Suck on that one.
Christine says:
You kiss me on the lips. You let go of my hands and hold onto the sides of my head kissing me with much passion. You run your hands thru my hair. You feel my hands on your nipples as I play with them. Then you feel one go down your body. I grab a hold of your cock and press it up against my clit. I can feel it throbbing as I take hold of it and slide it inside. Just the head is inside me as I
Christine says:
pull you even close to me with my legs. As I do that I can feel your cock go deeper and deeper inside me. I put my hands around your head as you hold onto my hips. At first you start out slow. Your cock going deep inside me. Then we hear someone at the door trying to get in.
Christine says:
Luckily you had locked the door but the thought of being caught has gotten us even more turned on! Now I can feel your cock penetrating me deeper now and harder. Your tick hard cock feels so good inside me.
Christine says:
You move your hand up my back and up into my hair and grab onto my ponytail. You jerk my head back as you lean over and bite on my neck. I moan into your ear. I feel your cock fucking me hard and deep. Your hands move back onto my hips them you grab a hold of my ass and really start to fuck me hard.
Christine says:
You stop and get me off the counter. You turn me around so we are both facing the mirror looking at each other. I have such an innocent look on my face and you have a big smile on yours. You bend me over the counter. You take your cock and slide just the head inside me.
Christine says:
You grab a hold of my hips and pull me down onto your cock. Slowly I feel every inch of your cock slide deep inside me till it was all the way in. I thrust my ass forward and back on your cock.
Christine says:
Your cock fucking me deeper now then when I was sitting on the counter. With your hands still on my hips you start to really pound my pussy. I stand up and you wrap your hands around me. One hand moves down to my clit while the other one plays with my nipples.
Christine says:
Here we are in the BC Ferry's washroom, with you behind me fucking me hard. You then start to whisper into my ear. "mmmmmm fuck me"....."my cock feels so good deep inside you"......"as soon as I saw you outside sitting down wearing no panties I wanted to fuck you"....."you are so hot I want you to cum all over my cock". I moan out in pleasure. You bend me back down and I look at you in the mirror
Christine says:
I tell you I want you to cum. You tell me you want me to cum all over your cock first. With each hard thrust inside me, I let out a loud moan. I get louder and louder then scream out in joy. You feel my hot juices on your cock. You can feel that you are about to cum soon now too.
Christine says:
You pull out of me, give your cock a few strokes then cum on my back. I stand up and turn around and face you. We gently kiss each other, get dressed and leave the washroom. You go downstairs and I go outside. Hopefully we will take the same ferry back to the island!!!
G says:
Sorry, my msn window froze and I had to restart it. Can you repeat everything after you said "after I have some lunch"?
G says:
No wait, there it is in message history. What the....is this about physiotherapy or something? I also think you might have me confused for someone else because I totally don't remember that.
Some of the formating there is my own to avoid the solid block of text, but some of it was just there because she was obviously copying and pasting this from a text file. Very apparent since that whole thing was written in like 30 seconds.
About halfway through I realized I was being e-raped.
-
Can you repeat everything after you said "after I have some lunch"?
;D
-
Why the hell did "she" keep talking without you?
-
It was blatantly obvious at the time that she was copying and pasting. That or she can type like 300 words a min.
-
Well anyway, I have to mention that you are totally awesome.
-
Um, just got this:
I recognize you from somewhere...where would it be? :P
*note: smiley face is a close approximation
This was only really a matter of time. This chick is 44 and I kind of recognize her as well, but I have no idea from where. I can only think of three things here:
-Mom's Friend. She must be sworn to secrecy.
-Old Teacher. I must sleep with her in order to receive awesome high-5's from everyone I know.
-Friend's mom. She must be sworn to secrecy and I must sleep with her in order to recieve awesome high-5s from everyone I know. Although she is a bit young, since that only places her roughly 18 years older than me and my friend sphere where I'd know anyone's mom probably only extends three years in either direction. Still slightly possible.
How should we proceed?
-
The funny certainly has died down, mainly because it's gotten somewhat boring and I've gotten somewhat lazy. Anyways:
About Me
i there just looking for a guy for some fun times. I like to hit the bars on the weekends. I am in school at UBC and lovin it. Love the city. Would like a guy who takes care of his body and is in great shape as I do the same.
Remember size does matter boys ;)
My Message:
Subject: Just to clarify....
When you say 'size does matter', you mean smaller is better right?
....
....
Right?
----
Her Reply
Totally wrong
hahaha
----
:(
That's disappointing, but we might be able to still save this relationship:
My Reply
Oh, that's cool. As you can probably see, I'm only 5'7", so this probably wouldn't work out. I am, however, trying to get my hands on some Human Growth Hormone so maybe I'll try to get a hold of you after I find some.
I expect big results.
-
This girl is trying to get me to call her:
G: No, I'm just one of those people who never really enjoyed talking on the phone. I find it occupies this weird grey zone between personal and impersonal
G: No, I"m completely unattached
j: I find this more impersonal loland there are so many weirdos out there
j: you just never know
j: you know dykes who pretend they are men
G: or....robots?
j: not that there is anything wng with dykes
j: *with
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haha, that last line is gold
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Ok, so the funny has for the most part dried up, and the weirdness has exploded. In order to bring back the funny and try to avoid ever actually running into any of these people I'm going to follow Hoob's advice and make a profile in a different city. I think a big city with a superficial or pretentious reputation will probably be best suited for what I want to do here. So, Miami or LA?
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Well, LA will probably have more crazy people so....LA.
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I would think either one would have its own subsections of glorious idiots, but LA probably overall has more potential humor.
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Awesome, LA it is. Does anyone know LA somewhat well here for when I inevitably make up a fake life there? I was planning on setting this up tonight but spent the time alloted for it drawing drainage diagrams, so I'll probably set it up tomorrow. Probably.
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still haven't set it up, but does anyone remember this?
(http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5743/clipboard01nh8.jpg)
Well, I decided it might be time to see what kind of funny we can milk out of this, and so:
By "smaller then average organ" you mean like I'm not a shower OR a grower, right? Because if that's the case you totally just won the jackpot. I don't think I've ever satisfied a girl - ever. I mean, it's not for lack of trying, but I can probably guarantee I've left more women suicidally disappointed then most men have even slept with.
Conversely, if you mean a smaller then average organ like musical instrument organ we're totally going to have a problem. I first fell in love with the instrument while attending a minor league rep hockey game in Hamilton Ontario in the late 80's. The assitant coach took me to the back and showed it to me and it was love at first sight.
Ever since then I've been drawn to organs. I took lessons for years, and every day I'd rush home after school in order to get my hands all over my organ as soon as possible. After I won the 50/50 draw at a work sponsored event a few years ago, I fell into some money. Not a lot, but some. I immediately ran home and ordered the biggest ebony, brass, and mahogany organ I could find on the internet. When it arrived and I unwrapped it I just stared at it's magnificence - mouth agape and salivating slightly.
Still to this day I like to admire, polish, and play with my organ as much as possible. It's a major part of my life. So, you see it totally depends on what type of organ you are talking about.
Keep your fingers crossed!
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Haha, that's gold.
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hahah. Awesome.
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There's a good chance I may need to recruit one of you to photoshop my head onto this body:
(http://pics.plentyofsite.com/dating/46/NEWWEST_dating_21588700.jpg)
It can only lead to good things.
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Oh? I thought that was your head.
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I've got a funny story, but first I need a postal code from some area in California.
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Go with 91335. It's the zip code for Reseda. Do with it what you will.
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I don't know if this will work out, but I really hope so (http://www.plentyoffish.com/member6563123.htm)
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hahahhaha.. this should prove interesting.
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I don't know if this will work out, but I really hope so (http://www.plentyoffish.com/member6563123.htm)
Haha...
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Hahaha, that's pure fucking gold, man.
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OMG, I'm crying. (http://home.cinci.rr.com/jgoods/images/rotfl.gif)
It would surprise me if you did not get some interest. I have every confidence in the worst traits of human nature.
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The second pic is hilarious. You have this to an art form. I just hope nothing bad comes out of this.
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You know I was halfway inclined to make a female persona profile on there and start fucking with you, but I thought the better of myself because i might have been wooed by your irresistible charm.
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I figured there was a high chance that someone would try to do that.
Anyways, we have a bite. I'll see what I can do with it.
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You're Hilarious...
Reply:
Thanks, I appreciate that. I'd love to say it was natural but in reality my humor is strictly the product of lessons taught to me by my first cell-mate. Chuckles was hilarious, and actually a pretty good guy - I just can't believe he did those horrible things to all those people.
So, how are you and your valuable possessions doing?
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Why in the world would you have your mug shot on your profile?
-Just curious
Reply:
"Well, first of all I'm not very photogenic so I have to take any good picture I can get. Secondly, I decided that I was going to post three pictures in order to present an accurate representation of myself. I was set on this as I couldn't think of anything worse than misleading someone (unless I would profit financially from doing so). The trouble is that out of all the pictures I have of myself only two aren't mugshots.
Dangerous....or enticing? "
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The fact that she cant tell its a photoshop says everything....
Though it totally looks like the weird "3D photo" thing they do on Americas Most Wanted.
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So, there was some funny moments with the criminal profile, but I was a bit too busy to dedicate the time neccesary to actually fuck with people. And then I found it; the dating site's forum. Insecurity? Check. Guys pretending to be sensitive to women's needs in hopes of getting e-pussy? Check. New targets? Check. I'm moving in and just posted this: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9683176.aspx
I really hope it gives me something to work with.
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Fuck, this isn't going to be funny at all....unless I spend some time convincing them I'm serious. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
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I really wish that I had an account so that I could help you out. But I don't, and I'm not about to create one because I'm lazy.
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Well, being as I'm back in school I thought I'd bring this back. Name has been changed.
G says:
Oh. So, I'm not going to lie here...this is kind of a letdown. I was expecting some reggae wisdom
ScaryBitch says:
where are you from
ScaryBitch says:
reggae wisdom is not the only wisdom
G says:
Toronto
G says:
Ontario
ScaryBitch says:
and now you live??????
G says:
West Vancouver
ScaryBitch says:
see...now I'm gettin' info
ScaryBitch says:
and you do??????
ScaryBitch says:
it takes you a long time to type
G says:
I"m a venture capitalist specializing in biotech. Specifically nanotechnology for medical applications
ScaryBitch says:
???
ScaryBitch says:
nanotechnology is not a real word
G says:
Yeah, sorry. I was doing a bank transfer. There were a lot of zeros to type out
ScaryBitch says:
haha got you...how many 0's
ScaryBitch says:
where are you tonight...and how do I get there?
G says:
Like 7. I just decided to donate some money to some flood refugees in Africa
ScaryBitch says:
ohhhhhhhh, how swet
ScaryBitch says:
sweet
G says:
Yeah, they looked pretty sad so I figured I'd just save a little this month and help them out
ScaryBitch says:
hook, line and sinker
G says:
I first fell in love with africa as a young graduate from medical school working for Doctor's Without Borders.
ScaryBitch says:
when did Africa flood again?
ScaryBitch says:
...
G says:
Interesting misconception. Outside of the Serengeti, africa isn't quite as deviod of water as you'd think.
ScaryBitch says:
so, when did it last flood
G says:
Desertification is spreading, but most costal areas are still prone to seasonal flooding
G says:
Well, this is concerning the Ivory Coast, and it's currently flooded in areas off the Ganstina River
ScaryBitch says:
what the fuck r u talking about its January ba \by
G says:
Different hemisphere
ScaryBitch says:
Le Cote d'Ivoire
G says:
look, which of us went to med school and then went on to be a venture capitalist?
ScaryBitch says:
whens the last time you were there?
ScaryBitch says:
i would love to go
G says:
2003
ScaryBitch says:
...but Canada keeps saying, "don't leave the country"\
G says:
And why does Canada keep saying that?
ScaryBitch says:
murder charges...
ScaryBitch says:
not against me
ScaryBitch says:
against the ex
ScaryBitch says:
they want me as a witness
G says:
Well, that's no good
ScaryBitch says:
...it was my son
ScaryBitch says:
...that was killed
G says:
um, this got awkward
ScaryBitch says:
wait...lets go back fifteen mintues
ScaryBitch says:
whats your plans for tonight
G says:
Locking my door?
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Sounds like you'll make a lovely couple.
Until the murderous ex boyfriend escapes from prison and kills you both.
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My favorite part is when she thinks she busts me for lying because nanotechnology isn't a real word.
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Oh, and the murder part.
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Yeah, I actually laughed at the nanotechnology line.
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i think she's fucking with you as much as you're fucking with her there...
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i think she's fucking with you as much as you're fucking with her there...
Haha yea thats what I was thinking, I wasnt sure who was punking who.
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i think she's fucking with you as much as you're fucking with her there...
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Pretty good stuff. Yeah obviously she's messing with you at the end there but the nanotechnology bit was great. You mention that you're doing a bank transfer and she thinks she busts you about working in nanotechnology. I didn't follow her line of thinking there. Maybe she thought you were a banker or something? I don't know but it was hilarious.
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Classic stuff. You really need to put these in a book.
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i think she's fucking with you as much as you're fucking with her there...
That's the main reason I found it so funny. It's like there's someone out there doing the exact same thing. I think we should get married. Unless she's serious.
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Classic stuff. You really need to put these in a book.
And autograph the book for Que!
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/slaps D
Good stuff, as always. She kind of played you there at the end, though.
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I really really hope so.
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Considering how much bullshit you pull, you are surprisingly gullible. Being attacked by that flock of wild geese at a young age really damaged your psyche, it seems.
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Wait...I don't remember that. Well, if you say so I must have mentioned it drunk or something and repressed the memory after.
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Considering how much bullshit you pull, you are surprisingly gullible. Being attacked by that flock of wild geese at a young age really damaged your psyche, it seems.
It is because he has a heart of gold.
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/slaps D
Ow.
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Wait...I don't remember that. Well, if you say so I must have mentioned it drunk or something and repressed the memory after.
It's the reason that you break down crying whenever you see poultry.
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It all makes sense now!
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Soooo, you know what I haven't done in a while?
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I need a good headline. This is way harder the third time.
Income is the single biggest predictor of relationship failure and of relationships starting. Please select your income range.
That's kinda depressing....FOR BROKE ASSES.
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Headline: "The tests came back inconclusive!"
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HAHAHHA. SOLD! Although I was already bored so I stopped. We'll see if I get back to it in the next few days.