Overwritten.net
Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: beo on Sunday, September 02, 2007, 03:02:56 PM
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so, i've spent the last three nights with a girl who has a love for guitar hero, final fantasy and owns every current gaming system. she's a complete geek, which in my book is awesome. she's a bit of a punker (although she identifies as metal) and loves her drugs. so for me, she basically checks all the boxes that matter. in three nights we gotten pretty close and it's a bit scary. it sounds great, but she had a one night stand with one of my best mates three weeks ago, and to be honest it weirds me the fuck out.
am i being stupid? TELL ME INTARNETS - tell me...
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Check for scars or a pronounced Adam's apple.
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She loves games and owns all the systems = marry her
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Let her win at Mario Kart.
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Hard to say. I can certainly understand it being weird if she screwed one of your close friends. I think that's to be expected. Obviously whether or not that bothers you enough to matter is a personal thing. But technically that was in the past... so if she isn't a slut when she's actually interested in someone, maybe there isn't so much to worry about.
Anyway, if you haven't known her very long, it's hard to say what she's like, right? I say play it by ear. Hang out more, get to know her better, and just see where it goes.
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be yourself.
read between the lines.
see if she'll be as honest with you as you're honest with her.
don't lose the heart just yet.
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This reminded me of Free Enterprise (http://imdb.com/title/tt0141105/), where the girl-geek is into the same comics and movies as the prospective boyfriend.
Seems too good to be true; but hey, if it's real, go for it. Don't push too hard, and don't expect too much. Keep it between those borders, and you'll be fine, maybe better than fine.
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I can see where you're coming from. A girls previous sexual partners can really wierd you out. I've been there before. I guess it really boils down to if it really bothers you or not. It sounds like this is a pretty cool chick, I'm sure as time goes on the one night stand with your buddy will become less and less of an issue.
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::)
one partner is always best in life!! keeps things simple.... well if you're lucky enough?
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I can see where you're coming from. A girls previous sexual partners can really weird you out.
Yeah, the fact that she's been w/ a friend of Beo's -- and, that it was very recently, like some 3 weeks ago -- can make it very awkward.
Probably way more awkward that this happened some 3 weeks ago, as opposed to if it was some one nighter than happen'd some few years ago.
I guess it really boils down to if it really bothers you or not. It sounds like this is a pretty cool chick, I'm sure as time goes on the one night stand with your buddy will become less and less of an issue.
I think that really depends on if at least one of the three (Beo, Beo's friend, the girl) somehow turn this all into an issue.
Well...And/or, if the situation doesn't turn itself into being an issue...
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I was going to offer an opinion but... hehehe I suck with this sort of thing, either the girl makes the move or we're both drunk, that's the only way I end up with someone. :o
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I try not to use alcohol to talk to girls anymore, I find it counterproductive. The alcohol provides you with a false sense of security.
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Pretty much all of the above. Raisa's advice seems the most reasonable.
In the end if you're too uncomfortable with it then what's the point, right?
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and loves her drugs.
Wait. This counts as a plus?
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You don't know Beo too well yet, K.
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went out with her and her friends again tonight. it was a bit weird as her ex of 2 years was there - it made it near impossible to flirt. apparently they still get on great and hang out a lot, which makes things even more complicated. think i'm just going to keep my distance for the moment. she's cool and all, but i'm not a fan of the various situations.
and yes k-man. she's not a junkie or anything, she just smokes pot and likes the occasional dabble in the other stuff. which, as far as i'm concerned, is a perfectly sensible stance.
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she's probably a person who keeps her relationships on fair/good terms even after breaking up?
can you handle that?
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i don't mind that they're friends, but i do resent being around them together, it's awkward. he was around on the thursday night as well, and was blatantly doing a some cockblocking. anyway, she's invited herself over tonight, so whatever. i'm going to stop posting about it all now, because it's gotten off track from my original question and writing about it is making me feel terribly emo.
*listens to fallout boy*
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Just find someone as fucked up as you are in life, and you are set. I say go for it, because... why the hell not?
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We all know that this friend of yours is going to be putting the moves on her every chance he gets and he's also going to cockblock you every chance he gets. Do you actually like this girl or do you like her simply because you think she likes you? That saying "bros before hoes" is just that...a saying. If you and this girl got involved in a relationship, would you trust her and your friend around each other? What about alone together?
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na, nick, her ex boyfriend was trying to get in the way a bit - completely different guy than the one night stand. my friend who slept with her has been seeing another girl since, and he's admitted that it was a drunken mistake. there's no worries as far as that's concerned.
anyway, she came round last night and stayed in the same bed as me. lots of hugs and stuff, but as soon as i tried anything she'd put my hands back to more neutral positions. i've seen her every day since last thursday and she's been flirty as hell, so major mixed signals.
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PS, Pics?
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na, nick, her ex boyfriend was trying to get in the way a bit - completely different guy than the one night stand. my friend who slept with her has been seeing another girl since, and he's admitted that it was a drunken mistake. there's no worries as far as that's concerned.
anyway, she came round last night and stayed in the same bed as me. lots of hugs and stuff, but as soon as i tried anything she'd put my hands back to more neutral positions. i've seen her every day since last thursday and she's been flirty as hell, so major mixed signals.
Just a thought maybe she's feeling a little confused about the whole sleeping with your friend and how she feels about you. I mean look at how mixed up you've been about her, she could be the same about you. Though I'll reframe from giving you advice because that would hypocritical.
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she was all over me when i was throwing her the odd insult and acting like she couldn't have me, but as soon as i actually act like i want her, she's not bothered. feels far too much like womanly head games to me - i think i'm going to leave her alone for the time being.
my housemate (who incidentally used to work for her), got home in a foul mood last night and had a good 20 minute rant at her why all women are evil and inferior, and why he doesn't like her, etc. so yeah, i think this one may be dead in the water anyway.
ah well, she seemed cool.
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maybe she has more sense and is over the one-night stand days?
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Raisa, obviously you don't know women....
FYI they LOVE to take their clothes off.
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those who do are sluts. not women :P
Well not all are sluts but yeah... you get my point.... i hope...
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Get used to womanly head games anyway. Frankly, annoying as those games can be, if you find a woman who doesn't play them at least to *some* degree, chances are there's something even more deeply wrong with her.
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lol... so no mindgames mean totally weird and wrong, it's a funny world alright.
i guess i know why i like to keep my place in the world free of people.
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those who do are sluts. not women :P
Well not all are sluts but yeah... you get my point.... i hope...
Haha, I was expecting worse. ;)
Yes, I do get your point. I'm certainly not one for one night stands, nor sluts. I like women, but only certain types, to be sure.
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Haha, I was expecting worse. ;)
Yes, I do get your point. I'm certainly not one for one night stands, nor sluts. I like women, but only certain types, to be sure.
okay... it's not something very easy to explain unless done in the simplest, blunt terms.
oh and Que, I guess I should go see a psychiatrist.
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Don't be afraid to be abstract. Some of us like to use our brains. :)
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I don't mean to say that there aren't women out there who are more simple and easy to read, but most of those women, even those who might seem more like guys in some ways, still generally have womanly mental/emotional quirks that will confuse and mystify the average man.
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that's quite true.
if guys are baffled..i know women are sometimes the most confused about their own mental/emotional quirks.
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anyway, she came round last night and stayed in the same bed as me. lots of hugs and stuff, but as soon as i tried anything she'd put my hands back to more neutral positions. i've seen her every day since last thursday and she's been flirty as hell, so major mixed signals.
Does she maybe feel y'all might be moving too fast??
Or maybe she wants to be "just friends"??
she was all over me when i was throwing her the odd insult and acting like she couldn't have me, but as soon as i actually act like i want her, she's not bothered.
Well, that seems backwards...
I dunno, but maybe she prefers doing the chasing??
Or maybe she just likes to joke around w/ you when you joke around w/ her??? I dunno....I'm confused, as well...
One thing I really loved about my now ex-g/f -- this was back before we hooked-up and became a couple, pretty much -- was the lack of head-games from her. So, we really hit it off, first, as friends. And, it really just went from there, w/ its progression, pretty much. So there was no real head-games or nothing of that sort from her; lucky me! Very early on, after we got to know each other for a little bit of time, she was first to openly admit her feelings -- that she had strong feelings for me, actually! Y'know, it took a while for me to drop my guard and admit those feelings back, since I ain't the most open-soul in the world -- yeah, that's for damn sure!
To be blunt, I wish I was more of an open-soul. I wish I could be more like her, in that regard -- blunt, open, and right to the point; especially for when there's times that I really should be open about stuff...
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well fuck. basically, nick was right. she was in the pub, so was my friend, i didn't feel like competing, so i fucked off, she called me back to the pub, so i came back, when i came back they were a bit coy, but ended up basically fucking on the dancefloor, and then went home together. i don't like people taking the piss out of me, so i'm going to have to do something about this. it's fine that they want to do that, but the way it was done was fucking sly, underhand and plain disrespectful. this "friend", never fights, and is scared shitless of the very prospect, so in the lack of doing anything genuinely evil, i think i'm going to shake him up a bit, and make him think i'm going to hurt him. either that, or pussy out and mope for a few days. probably the latter.
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Fuck that. That kind of crap really gets my groin in a knot, don't pussy out. Teach him a lesson. I say he deserves one.
Anyway, sucks man. I've been there, and it feels like garbage. Don't let it get you down, at least. Even if vengeance doesn't end up being a particularly worthy solution, I hope you realize that the two of them aren't worth it. If they're going to be underhanded about shit, let them have each other. They'll just end up doing the same shit to themselves before too long.
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the thing is, i don't really care that much about the girl, and i've made it clear, but it's the method, and the tactics involved. well he's got a bunch of my games and dvd's. i'm getting them back tomorrow. i'd be suprised if he even has the balls to answer the door.
fuck i've had enough of this, i just want to call my ex and make that work, because even that was better than being single.
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well fuck. basically, nick was right. she was in the pub, so was my friend, i didn't feel like competing, so i fucked off, she called me back to the pub, so i came back, when i came back they were a bit coy, but ended up basically fucking on the dancefloor, and then went home together. i don't like people taking the piss out of me, so i'm going to have to do something about this. it's fine that they want to do that, but the way it was done was fucking sly, underhand and plain disrespectful. this "friend", never fights, and is scared shitless of the very prospect, so in the lack of doing anything genuinely evil, i think i'm going to shake him up a bit, and make him think i'm going to hurt him. either that, or pussy out and mope for a few days. probably the latter.
This is the first time I've read this thread, but I don't really get what's going on here. My understanding.
-There's a girl you like, she seems to like you as well.
-She's throwing out mixed signals, which could pretty much mean anything considering how every girl is crazy in a different way.
-Your friend has cockblocked you a few times.
-You're at the bar, your friend is laying the mack down, she seems somewhat into it, and you don't want to go through the effort/drama so you leave.
-She calls you to come back, you do, and they end up going home together, but they tried to hide it?
The last part is pretty much where I get confused. Do you think they did this intentionally to piss you off more, or just because they wanted to and your feelings weren't really a huge consideration? I'd be willing to bet the second.
The thing that's stupid is she fucking called you back, which is something a girl would totally do and think they were helping the situation. Your friend probably figured it'd be for the best if you left (for more reasons then just him winning out with her), but she figured that she could try to fix the situation and not hurt your feelings by calling you and basically saying she wants to hang out...but fuck your friend.
Either way, it doesn't matter. Fuck both of them. Chances are they didn't want to play this game (except maybe her - there's a reason so many girls lead dramatic lifes), but it's unaviodable. The end result is that the situation pissed you off, and it could have been handled a lot better by either one of them had they had the balls to straight up tell you the truth in the begining.
Make a decision about what you're going to do about it now. It's entirely up to you how you want to handle it obviously, but personally I'll only actually fight friends about stupid shit that doesn't matter. If you're pissed off about it when you're sober - you don't fight about it - you just aren't friends anymore. If it's a drunk argument that escalates, you'll usually get in a drunken fight and laugh about it later when telling the story to people. Don't even go through the effort if you're that pissed off about it. Just get your shit back from the passive agressive retard and don't hang out with him anymore. Make it pretty clear that you're not friends without actually saying that, and as far as the girl is concerned - she doesn't exist, which works because the girl you thought she doe probably doesn't exist anyways.
Don't mope about it, but don't create more of an issue then you should. There's things you fight about and things you don't. It's not your girlfriend - they both just seem to lack foresight and social understanding. To actually fight about it is just going to create more drama then it's worth. Make sure you let them know you're fucking better then them, and don't let them forget it.
Oh, and try to bait her into giving you the "look, you're cool and I'm sorry for whatever. I'd love to be friends." Go along with it until the end, and then drop the always classic "Fuck you, I have enough friends." with a smile on your face. That kind of drives the point home, and when she tells people about it you sound pretty awesome (assuming she's telling a guy, if her girlfriends don't know you they'll probably hate you). The other benefit of situations like this is the bitter drunk you get when you're around them, even if you don't really care. Bitter Drunk is the fuel of good stories and fun memories.
As for calling your ex, fuck that. Seriously. Don't be one of those people who loses all self-worth when they're by themselves. I understand that I might be a little different then most people in this respect, but don't do anything stupid because you think you need someone else to make you happy.
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Of course I was right, do you have any idea how many crazy chicks I've had to deal with? I had one stab me with a fork, one literally steal my cum, one tried to have me killed in a bar parking lot and another scratch me down my forehead while we were making out (not out of fun either). This girl you like seems like one of two things:
1. She likes to be fought over, she wants to be the wedge that drives to friends apart. Once you start fighting over her she'll come along and take the winner or maybe even neither. I can promise you that if this is the case, you beating up your friend will make this girl come at you even harder...so will telling her to fuck off. Your best bet is to tell her in a nice way that you don't want to see her anymore, tell your friend to go fuck himself...he sounds like a loser anyways.
2. She wants a guy to fuck (your friend) and a guy to hang out with and be like her emotional support. I've been the second guy before and it doesn't bother me, but only with girls I'm not interested in. Basically, this girl wants the best of both worlds...you can make this work if you're ok with her crying to you about her problems and then having her and your friend go fuck in the other room.
It really doesn't matter which one she is, she's poison, stay away from her. Don't go back to your ex either, I know this sucks but take it as a life lesson.
Oh yeah, were they really fucking on the dance floor?
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Beo, seriously, if she's doing what she's been doing, then save yourself the trouble and heartbreak down the line. I guess be glad this came out now while it's all still early. As far as your friend.. how can you even say he's a friend?
Friends are upfront with things. Friends are not supposed to sugar coat the truth or hide it from you. I know this kind of attitude isn't common but I've always thought, that if my friend knew i was doing something wrong and told me straight to save me from trouble down the line then thank you. I've lost friends because of this attitude - I knew a friend of mine was doing something wrong so I told her mom. The friend stopped talking to me. It's been almost 10 years and I still care about my friend but she's distanced herself from me. But anyway, it's not about my friend.. but yeah, just let him know that what he's doing is ruining relationships because of some girl that mayn't even be worth it.
And what GPW said.. yeah... he got it.. and about what he said about going back to your ex.. it's not too bad being alone.. I haven't been in a relationship in A LONG LONG LONG TIME.. but it's been fun and life is simpler. I have my reasons for not being in one.
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yeah, i'm really not that pissed off about it now. i was really drunk last night, falling over, beating up inanimate objects drunk. i don't like the fact that they both lied about their interests in each other, and how she's led me on and all that crap. but i have no real right to be angry about it, we're all single and that's the way it works sometimes. when it comes down to it, the only *real* reason i'm angry is because i'm so fucking desperate for sex at the moment. needless to say, next time i get really drunk and angry though, i'll try and direct my energies in his direction.
and no, i have no real intentions of going back to my ex. i've written several sentences as to why, which i've then gone back and deleted, because nothing brief can begin to illustrate the massive levels of crazy or whoreishness that woman exhibited.