Overwritten.net
Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: WindAndConfusion on Sunday, January 04, 2009, 05:40:44 AM
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One of my roommates invited two people over. This shouldn't be a big deal, because my roommate is an acceptably chill human being, but the two people he invited over are so obnoxious that I've re-evaluated my position on involuntary euthanasia. One is a cackle-laughing fat girl who never shuts up (picture Oprah Winfrey's studio audience); the other has a PhD, runs a university science lab, and is dumber than a bag of hammers.
I just walked in on them having a three-way on my couch. (The bad kind of three-way.) I used Hide In Plain Sight and my ninja sneak modifier to escape before they noticed me, but the image is still going to haunt me: a pile of them, like hamsters, all tongue and ass and sweat and beer and fat girl.
I'll have to remember to burn or reupholster that couch.
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You know what? Just consider that my suicide note. Fuck you world, I'm outta here.
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You spoiled brat. That is the sight that's gonna end you? Really? I'm sure it wasn't pleasant but life-ending terror? You're fuckin' lucky they weren't coprophiliacs or something.
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While I'm sure that all must sound pretty unremarkable to a famous animal pornographer such as yourself, you need to understand that that was my favorite couch.
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Yuck!!!!! They were having a threesome on your couch?
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Cthulu kill me now, I can hear them going at it again.
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You can't be serious.
Be a man. Set your camera to silent, and take a pic and post a link here with several massive warning signs.
If you accomplish that, this thread and this website will be the talk of the internet... well at least for a few days.
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I can't because:
- They've relocated to my roommate's bedroom.
- I lack the courage to willingly face such horrors.
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Wait the person with the PHD is also a chick? For a while there, I thought that was a dude, and this was more like a gangbang.
It can't be that bad, can it?
I can't because:
* They've relocated to my roommate's bedroom.
* I lack the courage to willingly face such horrors.
Just pretend you are working for NatGeo.
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Wait the person with the PHD is also a chick? For a while there, I thought that was a dude, and this was more like a gangbang.
The person with a PhD is a dude. It's two guys and a heifer in there. And from what I saw earlier, they're all touching each other.
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That really is fairly nauseating. It has to rank among the worst things to walk into in your own place. I think I'd prefer some moderate violence.
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I am so pissed off about this. It was my God-given right to die without ever having to see that. They have broken the sacred hymen on my precious virgin eyes.
I couldn't really figure out how to kill myself, so I just swallowed an entire bottle of Flintstones Chewable Multivitamins and washed it down with a shot of cough syrup. I assume I'll be dead by the time I wake up.
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. . . They have broken the sacred hymen on my precious virgin eyes.
I resisted before, but I can't now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvAES6Y9Kfw).
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bwahahaa! awesome.
the worst i ever saw in my old place was two lesbians going at it on my sofa. wait... that was awesome. they were totally hot. heh...
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See that's different. Suddenly cameras become a hot commodity. By all means, use my couch. All I need in return is a ringside seat. :P
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Talk about a major "WTF?!?!?!" moment.
Oh man, that's crazy....
So, did you throw the couch out yet?
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bwahahaa! awesome.
the worst i ever saw in my old place was two lesbians going at it on my sofa. wait... that was awesome. they were totally hot. heh...
And by worst you mean best.
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And by worst you mean best.
He probably loves to relax on the sofa.
The memories it must give him....heh.
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I think I'm going to go vomit my breakfast. Cheers!
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I think I'm going to go vomit my breakfast. Cheers!
What did you have for breakfast?
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...
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In some cultures it's a sign of respect for two dudes to double team a fat chick on your couch. Consider yourself lucky.
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In some cultures it's a sign of respect for two dudes to double team a fat chick on your couch. Consider yourself lucky.
Baahahahahahahaha
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In some cultures it's a sign of respect for two dudes to double team a fat chick on your couch. Consider yourself lucky.
LMAO!
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Wind, I had no idea it was a devil's threeway. You didn't clarify that the PhD holder was a dude in the original post. Then there's a plumper. Ok the image is.. Ok, I see your point, Wind.
"Fat chicks need love too, except they gotta pay." -Glen Quagmire, Family Guy.
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What did you have for breakfast?
(http://www.frools.net/lolz/sisko-facepalm.jpg)
And no, that does not mean I had a black man for breakfast, you bastards.
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LMFAO!
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Ahahaha. What the fuck?! You're blackmailing that motherfucker right?
This reminds me of a horrible confession I've been meaning to make. Okay, two.
The first being on New Years eve. I was at the bar, trying to figure out how to get home. Getting a cab on new years is a total bitch and it was snowy and cold out so I didn't want to spend an hour and a half out there. Most of the usual suspects of people who's couch I could crash on that live nearby to where I was were either gone or missing, and I was kind of in a bind. I was pretty drunk so I don't fully know how I got out of this but I ended up going home with this chick with the most horrendous french accent ever. And when I say "going home" I mean I went back to where she was sleeping which just happened to be one of my best friend's girlfriend's house....where my friend lives. His girlfriend certainly was unimpressed, mainly because I've hooked up with at least two of her good friends before and I don't think she believes my intentions are ever admirable. In my defense, I had no intention of hooking up with this girl...because she's hideous. So anyways, I hop on the couch and this chick sets up an inflatable bed and the last thing I remember thinking is 'that bed and blanket look way more comfortable than this couch'. Next thing I remember is it's 4 hours later and I wake up in this bed spooning and being groped. On one hand I kind of felt sick, but on the other I was kind of like "well, pride's already gone ... I might as well get something out of it...like a funny story" and I basically tried to start getting it on with this chick. Not in a usual way you try to make out with a girl you either respect or treat like another human being...more in the way I'd imagine someone would get it on with a prostitute..I just tried to start undressing her. I don't remember much else except waking up in the morning with her gone. I have no idea what happened and probably never will because I don't want to know. I know I didn't nail her, but I really hope I didn't make out with her. Fuck you auto-pilot creep mode.
#2 took place this friday. I was getting ready to go out for a friend's birthday when this chick I went to school with a semester or so ago started messaging me on MSN saying we should hang out. I'm kind of like "totally, but not tonight" Then she starts sending me pictures of her in lingerie. I'm amazed because she's pretty hot, but these pictures are hotter...oh, and I guess she had kids at some point that I never knew about? So, I'm all like "fuck, I'd love to, but I'm kind of already committed to going out tonight and I don't even know if I should drive out there even if I wasn't." She seemed to accept this until something made her do a u-turn and she throws down "how do you feel about a threesome?". Well, that depends on many factors, but I'm not opposed to one. She tells me that she has a friend over and it totally can be done. She also sends me a picture of her not so good looking friend who she described as hot*. Now I'm fully between a rock and a hard place because this could be a good way to start off the new year and although it's not something I've ever strived to do, it feels like it's something I should do. So now I'm sold. I'm showering, I'm printing out a map to her house, I'm ready to go. I get in my car, go to the store, and am just about to get on the highway when she calls and is like "WE're going to have to do this another night". One one hand I'm all like "DAAAMN!" but on the other I feel like it might have been the best way that could work out because a.) I don't know how happy I'd be at the end of it because it could be really awkward, and b.) I went out and got hammered which was really fun.
*I'm convinced that it was the friend that tried (and succeeded in) convincing me to get over there for some hot three way action. It kind of seems to add up with the abrupt cancellation and her calling the next day and apologizing saying 'the situation changed and she didn't want to share'. It's kind of a shame because I'd totally hook up with this chick but now it's been tainted.
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gpw your stories never cease to amuse me.
I'd respond more but I have to get back to this totally not gay threesome on W&C's couch / kitchen counter / various other surfaces he eats on.
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She sent you pics and you're keeping them to yourself?
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Ok, I'll be your best friend in the world here, since you always ask. I have four pictures and I will post one. I can post the one I believe is the best or you can pick a number based on their file names and I'll post that one. I will, however, block out the face.
-0652
-0664
-0647
-0675
Go to town.
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You should chose the best one. And that means the one that best shows her gorgeous, naked body. As long as we're still talking about the good-looking one.
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Wow, only one?
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I had to look again to make sure that wasn't a beo post
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I'm sorry, but the pic went out over IRC. Less creepy that way....sort of.
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Sorry to disappoint everyone, but it was actually a large naked Russian man with a thick mustache. Suffice to say that it wasn't any less creepy on IRC.
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But what a nice ass.
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Oh shit, that was a penis? I forgot what undamaged ones looked like
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gpw, how many times have I told you? You have a vagina. It's totally different from a penis.
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*shakes my head @ this thread*
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Wind, I had no idea it was a devil's threeway. You didn't clarify that the PhD holder was a dude in the original post. Then there's a plumper. Ok the image is.. Ok, I see your point, Wind.
"Fat chicks need love too, except they gotta pay." -Glen Quagmire, Family Guy.
Yea man, I was wondering for a second. I am glad you clarified. :P
(http://www.frools.net/lolz/sisko-facepalm.jpg)
And no, that does not mean I had a black man for breakfast, you bastards.
haha
Also, I am going to save that image. It will come in handy lots here.
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Wind, I had no idea it was a devil's threeway. You didn't clarify that the PhD holder was a dude in the original post.
Yea man, I was wondering for a second. I am glad you clarified. :P
What did you think I meant by "the bad kind of three-way"? Neapolitan?
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Well I understood right the first time, but after Xessive's initial reaction I got confused...
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Why would you kill yourself? Kill THEM!
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Cools is surrounded by beautiful women every day who'd give him oral sex just to be near him and...
OK I am not sure where I am going with this.
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And they have that Slavic accent and skip all the articles in sentences, which makes them even more interesting.
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Cools is surrounded by beautiful women every day who'd give him oral sex just to be near him and...
OK I am not sure where I am going with this.
Aren't you going to get 70 virgins when you die? :P
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I haven't been good enough. :P
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Falling behind on your infidel count, are you?
Okay, that's bad.
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Ok, 69 then. :P