You all completely fail.  Being drunk off your ass at 3 in the morning is only missing a couple things: an ultimate cheeseburger on the greasiest sourdough ever, a bigass box of seasoned curly fries, and eggrolls.  Or a dozen tacos for six dollars.
DAMN IT I MISS MY YOUTH.  If I did that now, I would keel over and die on the spot.  But that was just a weekend 7 or 8 years ago.
 ... I'm sad now.