Topic: Birth Order

[nickclone]

Don't ask me why, but I've fascinated by birth order and the impact it has on siblings. My parents had three kids and the birth order research I've been reading up on goes by first, middle and last. I'm not sure if the middle research I've found still applies if theres only two kids or if theres more than three, but since I have two other siblings the research fits my situation perfectly. What I'm asking is if this research I'm about to show you pertains to you and if so, how accurate it is (in your opinion). Lets start out with the first born:

First Born:

First, you have to look at the special relationship firstborns have with their parents. First-time parents sweat the details. They document every milestone, celebrate each small achievement, and worry if it comes later than expected. Because they are new to parenting and don't have other children to distract them, they often focus on their firstborn with high intensity. This usually ends up being a double-edged sword: They provide a lot of valuable one-on-one stimulation--talking and playing and teaching-but they also tend to put their firstborns under a great deal of pressure to succeed. They may criticize every small breach of manners, for example, or demand that their firstborns always "set a good example."

To the extent that young firstborn children are able to live up to their parents' high expectations, they reap precious rewards: praise and a sense that they really are special. They often become very skilled at knowing what their parents (and later, teachers and bosses) want them to do, and doing it.

I've read on other sites that the first born realizes that it has lost some of the attention they get from their parents and they use siding with the parents to get it back. My sister fits the description perfectly, whenever I tell her something that I want kept from mom and dad she'll tattle on me in a heartbeat. She was a real trouble maker when she was younger, but now she's become a mother Theresa of sorts. She's the mom that has all of the kids over at her house all the time, a lot of the kids have dead beat parents so they all look up to her and love her. She really eats it all up.

Middle Born:

Parents may not have as strong a sense of what to expect from a middle child as they do for a firstborn or their youngest. In one way, that's a good thing, because it gives the middle child freedom to follow his individual path. On the other hand, the sense of being less understood makes some middle children feel unloved. From the parents' point of view, the fact that there are a thousand baby pictures of the first child, and only a few dozen of the second-born simply means that they got tired of getting rolls and rolls of film developed. But from the middle child's vantage point, it is documentary proof of their second-class status. In terms of sibling rivalry, the firstborn may be struggling to maintain her position on top, but middle children seemingly struggle just to be noticed at all.

For any middle child, the biggest point of comparison is the sibling who falls just before them in the birth order. Often, rather than competing head-on with that older sibling, the middle child chooses to go in a different direction. If the older sibling is a great student, for example, the middle child may become a musician or an athlete. (There's some research suggesting that middle children are more likely to engage in dangerous sports, perhaps because they are used to taking risks.) By choosing a niche that isn't already occupied, a middle child increases his chances of standing out and being noticed, and decreases the risk of negative comparisons.

I was the last born, so I don't know a lot about the relationship between my sister and brother. I can tell you that from what I know, that description fits my brother pretty well. My sister was the trouble maker and my brother was pretty obedient when it came to my parents, I think he also fell under the radar a little bit. My brother was popular in high school and has a lot of friends who put him up on a pedastol (hell, I'm able to hang out with the people who hung out with my brother because they loved him so much) and people ask me about him all the time. However, unlike my sister he's very business like as in he's always trying to better himself professionally.

Last Born:

Some parents look on their youngest child as their last chance to do everything right. In these families, the youngest may feel a great deal of performance pressure, similar to a firstborn. Other parents seem to decide that they will never allow their last child to be unhappy, ever. The predictable effect of constantly catering to the child's wishes is to make her into a demanding, dissatisfied tyrant. Psychologists sometimes refer to such a child as being "enthroned."

In most families, however, last born is a relatively low-pressure position. The parents have more experience under their belts and are more likely to take a laissez-faire attitude toward such issues as developmental milestones, toilet training, dating, and so on. They are more confident that things will work out for the best., and their relationship with their last-borns is less intense than with the older children. This makes sense because the parents have to divide their attention among more children.

Having somewhat more distance in their relationship with their parents can give last-borns freedom to explore new ideas and new places. On the other hand, if the emotional distance is too great, youngest children may feel disconnected, as though they somehow don't belong in the family.

This definitely has my name all over it, I'm still the "baby" of the family at 23 years old. I'm used to everyone else doing things for me and I have learned how to manipulate people to get whatever I want. However, people absolutely love me, especially women when I charm the crap out of them. Out of all of my family members I'm the black sheep hands down, I'm always getting myself into something, questioning authority, putting off important things and I've never been baptized (the only one in the family). I'm sure I have some good qualities in there somewhere, being the last born is harder than I thought.

Anyways, whats your place in the birth order and do you think it's accurate to what you're really like? This research is supposed to be for siblings that are only a few years apart, but I have 23 years between my sister and ten between myself and my brother. In some cases my brother and myself feel more like the first and middle born while my sister is like mom.

[Jedi]

I've read ‘research’ that comes closer to describing me and my brothers but I still liken this sort of thing to horoscopes. Some of it you identify with while disregarding the rest. (Like myself, I agree with some of it but not all it which only confirms my last paragraph below.)

While the above seems to read more about the parenting side of things it doesn’t take into account a family breaking up and those parents having children in a new family unit (where one of the two parents hasn’t had children yet). I think that throws a large spanner in the works as that’s as common as air these days.

Hmmm I just don’t believe you can peg people/children/families as easy as this there’s just way to many variables that might result in the total opposite (or anywhere in between) of the above.

[beo]

both my brothers are much older than me (13 and 18 years), plus they're half-brother's, with me being my mum's only child, so i don't know where that fits me into all this. my relationship with my mother is very close, but is the exact opposite with my dad. his tiny amount of input has always been trying to push me in the right direction with me pretty much ignoring him. my mother has always just made sure i'm happy - she helps me out a lot financially (which my dad doesn't know about), and still does my washing when i bring it home.

my cousin's wife is a psychologist, and she's previously said that i fit the last child pattern. by the time i was really concious of my place in life, both of my brothers were married and had big incomes, so i guess there was no real pressure for me to chase success. i would totally tar myself with the "black sheep" brush. i question authority to the level were it causes me problems (calling my ex-boss a cunt and getting fired very soon after), and tend to do things for the reason that it is intriguing rather than a good idea.

[Quemaqua]

I think there are some general things that follow just because people do go through phases as they have kids, and general hierarchies do get established, but I don't really buy into the whole thing.  I've known too many families where the patterns didn't fit.

[scottws]

I'm the firstborn in my family and I can confirm the high pressure.  I would get lectures when I brought home B's.  God forbid I get a C ever.

I have three other siblings, and one of my brothers (the third born) is very intelligent but a very lackluster student averaging C's.  But my parents did nothing.  I'd get lectured for a B and bring him up and they'd say they're proud of him because he tries hard to get those C's.

They are kind of right in one sense.  I'm one lazy ass student.  I'm somewhat of a sponge.  If I attend class and take notes, I'll probably get an A.  I don't even cram for exams, much less truly study.

[iPPi]

I have no brothers or sisters.

[Ghandi]

I'm the youngest of five. I see somethings that fit but for the most part it doesn't really categorize my family well. Jedi made a great comment about it being like a horoscope, and I can definitely see that in some respects. I think it's great to look at these relationships but generally you have to do it on a per-family basis to get anything accurate. 

[nickclone]

Personally I wouldn't compare this to a horoscope. Horoscopes are just made up bullshit, fun, but bullshit for our entertainment. My family shouldn't even fit this profile simply because we're so far apart in age, but we do for some reason.

[Jedi]

Personally I wouldn't compare this to a horoscope. Horoscopes are just made up bullshit, fun, but bullshit for our entertainment. My family shouldn't even fit this profile simply because we're so far apart in age, but we do for some reason.

Well I think many many people can compare it to a horoscope not because I or they think this is all made up, but because you can identify with some of it and ignore the rest. My point really was, that families are just too varied to pigeonhole with just the one research project/paper and yet there will always be those typical hierarchies in a family that will occur. Hence my feeling that they're like horoscopes.

[nickclone]

Well I think many many people can compare it to a horoscope not because I or they think this is all made up, but because you can identify with some of it and ignore the rest. My point really was, that families are just too varied to pigeonhole with just the one research project/paper and yet there will always be those typical hierarchies in a family that will occur. Hence my feeling that they're like horoscopes.

I get the feeling that you're trying to walk on egg shells for me, theres no need to do that. This is one of the few forums out there that you can say whatever you want uncensored, please don't feel the need to soften any blows for me.

I understand what you're saying though, technically the profile shouldn't fit for my family either. As of right now, I'm exactly half the age of my sister who is really my half sister. I'm not even sure how accurate the research is is because I'm really not that close with my siblings, we didn't really grow up together.

[Ghandi]

Actually that's what I was referring to with the horoscope comment also, not that it's made up but just that it's so broad that it can probably apply to everyone.

[Jedi]

I get the feeling that you're trying to walk on egg shells for me, theres no need to do that. This is one of the few forums out there that you can say whatever you want uncensored, please don't feel the need to soften any blows for me.

I understand what you're saying though, technically the profile shouldn't fit for my family either. As of right now, I'm exactly half the age of my sister who is really my half sister. I'm not even sure how accurate the research is is because I'm really not that close with my siblings, we didn't really grow up together.

Hahaha no I'm not walking on any egg shells I just don't feel strongly enough about this to produce a heated response I just wanted to make sure I was being clear about my point was all.

[W7RE]

I am also one of three children.

Oldest (My sister)
Doesnt' fit the description at all, or maybe she just went the path of disappointment and followed it, it stead of always striving for perfection. Part of it may be due to her being from a previous marriage of my mother's, and having my father come into her life when she was about 3. She lost her virginity around 13 or 14, frequently spent days or weeks away from home with boyfriends. She's been addicted to multiple types of drugs, and currently at 31 has alchohol issues. She's gotten pregnant unintentionally twice. The first time resulted in a funeral for a two-month-old, thanks to drug use. The second one resulted in rushed marriage that lasted 6 months, and then left my sister living with mommy and daddy again, with her baby.

Middle (me)
I'm sure this is gonna seem skewed, since it's me writing it, but I fit the "left out in the cold" middle child description perfectly. I never feel like I'm noticed or cared about, in any relationship, ever. That goes for romantic relationships, friendships, coworkers/employers, family, everything. I wear wild hairstyles and piercings because I absolutely hate the idea of looking "normal" or "fitting in". I'm lazy, I never finish what I start, and I can't stand being around most people. Anyone who's seen one of my "my life sucks" posts knows all this probably.

Youngest (my brother)
Yes, he's still mommy's little boy. He's much closer to our mother than me or my sister. He can't stand the idea of moving far away from her, and he's the only one of us three who has never moved out of the house (me and my sister have both left and come back). He is extremely shy and antisocial (not like me though, he is more afraid of people). He was recently diagnosed with 4 different mental disorders related to him being antisocial and stressing out about being around other people. (the only one I remember was agoraphobia, which was supposed to be more about him fearing uncontrollable situations than really being afraid of open spaces.)




So I fit the middle child description, my brother kind of fits the youngest child one, and my sister isn't even close to the first born one. Again though, that may be due to the conflict between her and my dad, due to him not being her birth father.

[WindAndConfusion]

Sounds like the Forer effect at work.

The Forer effect is the observation that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that supposedly are tailored specifically for them, but are in fact vague and general enough to apply to a wide range of people. The Forer effect can provide a partial explanation for the widespread acceptance of some pseudosciences such as astrology and fortune telling, as well as many types of personality tests.

...

Later studies have found that subjects give higher accuracy ratings if the following are true

    * the subject believes that the analysis applies only to them
    * the subject believes in the authority of the evaluator
    * the analysis lists mainly positive traits

As the 44th child of my mother's sixth clutch (my parents were wolf spiders), I can confidently assert that I fit none of the given descriptions.

Totally unrelated (except for the bit about wolf spiders), I saw this on Wikipedia and found it hilarious.

Tarantulas usually live in solitude and, being cannibalistic, will attack and eat others of their own kind. There are however, exceptions such as the pinktoe tarantula (Avicularia avicularia), which can be kept communally, as members of this species are more tolerant of each other. If the vivarium is big enough, has enough hiding spots, and the specimens are about the same size and well fed, there should be little or no cannibalism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula#Reproduction

[beo]

quite the wikipedia junkie, aren't we?

[WindAndConfusion]

Yes, but not as much as you'd think from reading my posts. Wikipedia is just the easiest place to find a reference for something, and I'm horrifyingly lazy.

[Jedi]

Yes, but not as much as you'd think from reading my posts. Wikipedia is just the easiest place to find a reference for something, and I'm horrifyingly lazy.

I like him... In a manly sort of way of course!