Topic: I am beyond depressed

[Ghandi]

And no, this thread isn't a sob story or a cry for help. I simply want to know how people on the board deal with depression. I know that some here experience it, and certainly some at greater levels than others. How do you cope, what do you do?

Currently I am finding myself more and more at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol, which is depressing in itself. I am hoping to find other, more beneficial, strategies to cope with it. Please provide your insight.

[Quemaqua]

Booze isn't the way to go.  I tried it, it fucked me up.  Plenty of others will tell you the same.  It's hard to give a blanket answer... but I find that I try to just sort of do the things that come naturally to me when I'm depressed.  I play a lot of music, generally work on writing projects that lend themselves to my mood... and those things, while on one hand sort of helping me revel in the depression, which isn't necessarily the goal, also help me to feel a bit distracted from the painful aspects of it, helping to negate the negative effects until it all wears off.  Games, books, movies... all that stuff helps, too.  Distraction can be a good thing, if used responsibly.  Sometimes it doesn't work, though, and sometimes you're too stressed or miserable to even feel like doing something like picking up a guitar (and not everybody is a musician).  In those cases, I don't think there are any easy answers.  I tend to sleep a lot during those times, and probably eat too much, but I don't think either of those things are particularly healthy.

The only healthy answer I can give is working out.  I find I always feel a lot better when I can just really work out some aggression physically.  Then I also don't feel as bad about sleeping too much.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lousy.  I know how it goes.  Just remember that this stuff always passes before too long.

[beo]

i take a medication called mirtazapine that seems to help. i couldn't give any concrete answers on how it's helped me, but it seems to take the edge off. i tried fluoxetine (prozac) before, but it just made me feel a bit numb to everything. medications aren't for everybody, but it's worth speaking to your doctor about options.

something else that helps a lot of people is "cognitive behavioural therapy", it's not something that i've tried, but the reports from people who've gone down that route seem to be very positive. i have done the one to one therapy thing though, and found it to be extremely beneficial. it helped me to put a lot of stuff into perspective and also gave me an opportunity to really vent all my worldly frustrations to someone who isn't going to judge.

i personally find that alcohol can be good. not as an everyday thing, but as a way to let off steam at the weekend it's great. if you find that getting drunk leaves you feeling worse, it's probably time to cut back how often and/or how much you drink. if pot is your thing, you may find it helpful as an alternative way to unwind, it's certainly not as bad for your body as alcohol and won't leave you feeling like shit the next day.

as far as ways to cope outside of therapy or the pharmaceutical, keeping busy is good. whether it's playing videogames, exercising, socialising, or whatever - anything that draws your attention into something fun or rewarding will help. also it's always good to have something to look forward to, so try and organise stuff like going to concerts, film openings or cheap weekends away.

[angrykeebler]

i drink heavily

[Pugnate]

He meant alcohol, not urine.

[Cobra951]

I'm beyond depressed.  I mean that literally.  I think when you're depressed long enough, you begin to accept it as the normal condition.  You get numb to it, and most everything else.  I do drink some.  The only times I feel good are when I'm with other people who are also drinking.  We don't get fall-down drunk or anything, and I don't hang out with losers (regardless of my status in that department).  It's the socializing with alcohol as a lubricant that seems to do the trick.  I've been on several anti-depressants, but my problem is that mind fucks don't work on me in the long run.  I still see through to reality, unless I choose not to.  That's my key.  I get immersed in something, like a game or a movie.  The rest stays out.

[scottws]

I've never been depressed in the clinical sense, but I have felt pretty damn down about my life before.  Usually it was a combination of things like being single, realizing how old I was and still had so much schooling to go, living with my parents, having a crappy job going nowhere, etc.

What always brought me out of it was meeting new people.  I'd go out and meet some hot girl and then it would seem like a promising endeavor and kind of get me excited.  It worked every time.

Other than that all I can say is stop doing crap you hate.  Hate your job?  Get a new one.  It might suck too but at least it will be different enough for awhile.  Hate how a certain person or people make you feel?  Stop hanging around them.

[shock]

Exercise and eating right REALLY help me through those times.  I hit the gym like 5x a week and watch what I eat.  I find it's much more difficult to get down about stuff when you do that.

[Pugnate]

Usually it was a combination of things like being single, realizing how old I was and still had so much schooling to go, living with my parents, having a crappy job going nowhere, etc.

waaaaaaah....

Scottws's advise is excellent. Change is the best remedy.

[Raisa]

Music helps me a lot.. some particular ones though. 

[MysterD]

To stay away from your depression, find ways to get your mind off whatever's depressing you.

Write a story, write some poetry, play a sport, play some video games, read a book, listening to some good music, watch some TV, watch some movies, etc etc -- it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you just do something that'll keep your mind off the stuff that is depressing the hell out of you.

Find a creative outlet for you, of some sort. That's my best suggestion.

[Ghandi]

Thanks for the responses.

I'm generally calmed by the fact that this is a necessary phase in life. I'm graduating in a year and have absolutely no idea what I am going to do. I'm somewhat stressed out, I suppose. I'm not a very high stress person, though, so for some reason I guess I'm just responding with depression.

[Raisa]

Are you still drinking alot?  I hope not. 

Recently, it's not so much depression on my part.  I've been quite busy with an ever growing to do list.  It's good like that.

But I have this sense of wanting some permanency.  It's certainly ironic since it's there never really is much permanency in life.  Except for change.. change is always there!  I want permanency but I can't handle not having any variety.

I guess I should make a topic about confusion! haha

[nickclone]

Alcohol only numbs your feelings, I've used it so much that I have no emotions anymore.

[Ghandi]

Yes, I'm still drinking, unfortunately. I'd like to think that it's a phase.

[Quemaqua]

Drinking never helps.  Trust me.  Ease up before it gets to be a problem.

Lately I seem to have gone from mildly depressed to psychotic, raging anger.  It's actually gotten a little scary.

[PyroMenace]

Alcohol only numbs your feelings, I've used it so much that I have no emotions anymore.

Heh, I wish that was case. In my experience, alcohol does the exact opposite, it exaggerates the way I feel. If I'm doing good, then it makes me feel fantastic, if I'm depressed, then my head fills with even more shitty thoughts. Though it does help you sleep thats for damn sure.

[nickclone]

Heh, I wish that was case. In my experience, alcohol does the exact opposite, it exaggerates the way I feel. If I'm doing good, then it makes me feel fantastic, if I'm depressed, then my head fills with even more shitty thoughts. Though it does help you sleep thats for damn sure.

I hate to say it, but you might need AA. How long have you been drinking?

[PyroMenace]

Heh, Ive thought the same. Im curious, why do you say that?

[gpw11]

You only need AA if you're a non-functional alchoholic.  Don't let anyone ever tell you differently and make your sobriety more of a crutch then your choice to drink at times ever was.

"I'm graduating in a year and have absolutely no idea what I am going to do."

When I was at that point I got really depressed.  One of my best friends also died right in the middle when things weren't too good between us, one of my uncles killed himself, another died in a hunting accident, and my two remaining grand parents both died.  The combination of flying all over the country, dealing with family members a lot more distraught then I was, guilt over my friend, university level drinking, and a general lack of direction kind of made me lose it for a while.  I didn't go back to finish my remaining credits the next year.  Essentially I was on probation because of one of the semesters I was all over the place, and when they told me I just withdrew.  Best decision I ever made in my life, but I don't think it would work out that way for most people.

As for depression, unless there's a hormonal problem, it's just a mental state of mind, and even just having that attitude may help.  Beyond that, if I'm getting worked up about something I'll either go for a long drive or put earphones in and walk somewhere.  Clearing the mind like that usually helps you at least think reasonably about what's getting you down and how you can go about fixing that.  100% better then just trying to escape the situation or just waiting it out.

[Pugnate]

To stay away from your depression, find ways to get your mind off whatever's depressing you.

Write a story, write some poetry, play a sport, play some video games, read a book, listening to some good music, watch some TV, watch some movies, etc etc -- it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you just do something that'll keep your mind off the stuff that is depressing the hell out of you.

Find a creative outlet for you, of some sort. That's my best suggestion

I don't know, all those activities require him to be alone. From what I've seen, that can often sink a person deeper. I'd say just going outdoors, joining the gym, or hanging out with friends is something that works. In the end though, you need a permanent solution to what is bothering you.

[Cobra951]

I don't know, all those activities require him to be alone. From what I've seen, that can often sink a person deeper. I'd say just going outdoors, joining the gym, or hanging out with friends is something that works. In the end though, you need a permanent solution to what is bothering you.

Amen to that.  When I feel the worst is when I can't find the energy to leave my room, let alone the house.  Getting out the door and doing anything with other people always helps, always.  The challenge is to push yourself out, and to have some idea about what you're going to pursue.  It may seem easy.  It's not.  It can look like a tall brick wall at the darkest times.

[Ghandi]

Well, I am in a different place now from where I was when I created this thread. Not from therapy, drugs, or anything of the sort, but just from the love of my family. I am quite blessed in this regard, and it's disheartening to know that everyone is not as lucky. Good blessings come with a healthy dose of guilt, it seems.

I can't say that I've found any answers (Cobra surely knows the questions I've posed), but I feel like I have a better understanding of where things will end up and where they should be.

[Xessive]

Though you may have some uncertainties, it's good to hear that you're in a better state now. It's always good to appreciate what you have and remember that you are fortunate. Sure it can feel disheartening to know that not everyone is quite as fortunate but yo can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Keep a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook on the world around you.

After all, you are Ghandi:

[PyroMenace]

Well I caved almost a week ago and have been hitting the bottle hard, really fucking hard. I need to get out of this place.

[Quemaqua]

Damn, man.  Don't go back to that.  You know what's at the bottom of it.  Wish I could help.  Tonight, at least, you need to come play some games with us.  Idol and I are going to play things and we wanted to get you to join.  So come play!

Unfortunately, I know how you feel.  I haven't gone back to drinking, but for some reason I've been feeling ridiculously depressed lately.  A lot of it is work, but it's other stuff too.  And I think if I didn't have this interminable stomach condition that's been affecting me for probably about a year now, that the doctors can't seem to fix or even identify, there's a chance I might have bought a bottle of whiskey.  So maybe it's good that I'm eternally sick now...

[Cobra951]

While still out of work, and after some things hit me hard earlier this year, I feel much better now than last time I posted in here.  For one thing, I'm walking at least 3 miles a day, sometimes closer to 5.  Also, I've been involved with bridge (the card game).  I'm learning it, and I think I mentioned I took a course and test for bridge directorship, which I passed.  That was in Gatlinburg in April.  I've met some great people with this involvement, and I think that's the hidden benefit of the game.  The networking is outstanding.  Good things are already happening for me as a result.  I don't feel nearly as isolated anymore.

I think that's key, Pyro, to not feel alone and isolated.  I don't know what the answer is for you.  That you need to find.  But I'm fairly sure that positive involvement with people who appreciate and support you, however that comes to be, would propel you forward.

Easy on the bottle, man.  At least video games are a physically safe escape while you need them.

[beo]

how much you drinking? i've heard americans have different standards on this kind of thing. i mean, i drink heavily a couple of times a week, but i'll pass on drinks the rest of the time. if you're drinking more than a few beers every day, obviously a problem... but yeah.... what's the situation?

[Quemaqua]

Do Americans really have a different standard?  Lately it doesn't seem like anything tallies up very differently from shore to shore, or at least not the way it used to.  I think that's because the younger generations here drink a metric crapton more often than not now.

For me, when I used to really drink, the ritual was two or three shots of whiskey (potentially gin on the random occasion) on an empty stomach upon getting home from work, then a few beers after that during/after dinner and possibly a few more shots if it was a really horrible day.  It wasn't quite a daily thing, but even saying that is kind of arguing semantics.  I sometimes wonder if that had anything to do with my problems now, except that my problems now only showed up after I'd stopped drinking entirely for several years.

[Cobra951]

It also makes a lot of difference if you drink in a fun social situation as opposed to alone in a dark funk.

[PyroMenace]

Right now I'm at 8 to 10 beers a night, and I think last night it was actually 11 or 12. Drinking  amplifys how I feel and that could either go up or down and it's usually random. First time I drank last week it felt amazing, didn't have a care in the world, but the next time I drank I crashed hard, I was a complete wreck. But like I knew I would I kept at it trying to get that euphoric high again. I think it's been a solid week of drinking and I'm going to make a concerted effort to stop again, if I can make 2 weeks I'm good but who knows if I can resist that long.

[Quemaqua]

You can, man.  Just chuck whatever it is you bought into the dumpster and start over.  Come play some stuff with me and idol, get your mind off stuff.

[gpw11]

If you're "crashing" it's not worth trying to hit the high.  Just get rid of the booze and don't touch it until you stabilize. I'd suggest starting to run and work out.  Get stressed or down?  Go for a run.  The shitty thing is that if it's like 1 in the morning and you go for a run you probably won't be getting to sleep for a while.   Neo Citron will knock your ass out after, but it's probably pretty easy to abuse it and make yourself an insomniac.   But I'm sure you hate it when people try to suggest shit, I imagine it can be pretty annoying so I'll just stop now.

[Pugnate]

I just read about what happened, and it really sucks dude. I can't really think of anything to say that doesn't sound like a cliche. Just hang out with real life friends and I back what GPW said about working out. Try to stay away from the internets and booze. Go for a rub and tug or something.

[PyroMenace]

Today was just... I can't describe how bad I felt. I don't know if it's the DTs or if it's still due to the breakup. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, but I really fucking hope I don't have another day like this again.

[Quemaqua]

If you can get some time off, you should come out here.  Hell, I'd even pay for your flight if you could get one of those standby tickets from your dad, since I have some extra cash that grandpa left me.  We could party like it's somewhere between 1993 and 1997, and you could help me finish setting up the game room and we could play through some coop games.

[sirean_syan]

That's an idea. Getting away from everything for a bit of time can help things a lot. I'm also around more these days thanks to summer break, so I'd gladly treat you to a doom burger.

[PyroMenace]

Im seriously considering it, I really need to get away for a little while.

[nickclone]

God, depression is the worst! A girl that I was head over heals in love with is back in town and my friend who had an obsession with her (and the reason why I blame him for us not getting together) wants to hang out with her. I want to see her, but at the same time I'd rather get hit by a bus than have to deal with her.

I was told that she wanted me completely, and I would've settleded down with her without even thinking about it. However, she knew my friend had a thing for her and she didn't want the jeopardize the friendship. Even though I'm still in love with her, I put her behind me...but now she wants to hang out with my friends. I want to forget her.

[scottws]

God, depression is the worst! A girl that I was head over heals in love with is back in town and my friend who had an obsession with her (and the reason why I blame him for us not getting together) wants to hang out with her. I want to see her, but at the same time I'd rather get hit by a bus than have to deal with her.

I was told that she wanted me completely, and I would've settleded down with her without even thinking about it. However, she knew my friend had a thing for her and she didn't want the jeopardize the friendship. Even though I'm still in love with her, I put her behind me...but now she wants to hang out with my friends. I want to forget her.

I don't want to derail this from being about Pryo, but nickclone I know exactly what you mean.

In my heyday of hanging around with a large crew 5+ years ago, there were a couple girls in the group who I really had a crush on.  One, Angie, was sort of a tease and it sprung from that, but the sexual tension between us was worse than you see on any TV show.  It drove me nuts for awhile that us getting together seemed inevitable, but then she'd back off suddenly and this happened several times.  Eventually I had enough and told her that I couldn't deal with it anymore and to stay away from me.

We are like mortal enemies now.  I've hated her ever since one time a few of us went to visit a friend in a new apartment and she lived right downstairs so we stopped by to say hi on the way out and she didn't even answer the door.  And yes, she would have known it was us and she was home.  I basically saw it as her turning her back on her friends.  So any time I see her I ignore her and if she tries to talk to me I treat her like garbage.

Another one, Melissa, kind of snuck up on me.  We were just friends and I found myself hanging out with her more out of the big group whenever we went out and sort of slowly grew attracted to her.  Then I started hearing around the same time from her friends that she liked me and they were always trying to put us in these awkward situations or get us alone but she was always stand-off-ish, so I figured she was just being really shy and confronted her about it once.  She completely denied that she had any attraction to me other than as a friend and that recently I had been making her feel uncomfortable with the way I'd been acting and the situations her friends and I had been putting her in.

It hurt to hear that stuff at the time, but I quickly got over it and we've been good friends ever since.  What was weird is that eventally I asked one of her friends that told me Melissa liked me why she said that and she denied ever saying it.  It wasn't my imagination, this girl told me once "You know Melissa likes you, right?"

Oh well.  Relationships with friends are always challenging because of how they can affect the group dynamic in pretty severe ways.

Regarding Pyro's situation all I can say is what always made me get over the hump of a depression was to go out and meet new people and invariably new female propsects.  I'd feel like shit but invariably I'd meet someone and realize that someone saw something positive about me and that apparently my life wasn't as hopeless and worthless as I thought it was.

That said, I've never been clinically depressed and I hear over and over that depression isn't just sadness, it's actually a physiological condition that needs to be treated.  So Pyro, if it's really as bad as you are saying you probably need to see someone.