I had been going out with this girl for maybe the past 18 months. It's kind of a fucked up situation, but I really like her. And for me that means I can actually sit through a conversation and spend clothed time with her rather than setting my phone alarm to "ring" and setting it to go off in ten minutes (take notes...best way to get out of awkward mornings EVER). That aside, it's a situation I know I shouldn't really be in.
See, she has two kids. That's kind of fucked at times. They also have two dads. They're both deadbeats (one more than another). One was a situation where they were engaged for years right after highschool but didn't ultimately work out. The fun part about that is he's still in love with her. This means lots of drama. Drama I refuse to get involved in because it's usually kid related, although you can see how he uses the kid as a weapon at times (awesome mental picture). That's the guy who's less of a deadbeat. Actually apparently he's a nightmare to guys she's involved in, but was taken aback by how I introduced myself to him. Whatever, still a bitch to deal with.
The second one is a shit show. Nice enough guy, but fucking loser. Also a deadbeat. That kid came from a situation where "She just wanted another kid" or something like that. I'd think that was a fucked up reason to have a kid, but then I think about my sister and the fact that she just got knocked up by a robot and a scientist (lesbian). Obviously, the times are changing and I'm very modern (I did once buy a crack head crack on the condition that I go with them...I hope I told that story here). Again, whatever.
Now, the kids on their own are kind of hard for me to deal with, but I'm better with it. The little girl is fine, but her older brother can be a pain in the ass. I was too at that age...more so because I was smart enough to try to get away with shit. I've discovered that 6 year old boys respect force. I discovered this by winning a water fight by throwing him in the shower and turning it on. MATCH POINT MOTHERFUCKER.
So, about 6-7 months ago she moved away to a small town (shit hole) about 6 hours drive (4 if you're a hard motherfucker like me...also I'm probably going to die driving that mountain highway one day). Now, let me say the picture I paint of this girl makes her sound like an idiot, but she's actually one of the smarter girls I know, she's just small-town and kind of had a fucked up childhood/teenage family life requiring some escapism decisions. So, as much as I like her, I kind of always think that being with her is a bad decision. So, when she moved, I was kind of thinking it would just die out and it'd be all good with no one hurt. I was wrong.
We ended up going out for maybe 4 of those months..long distance. Sometimes it sucked, sometimes it was awesome. And then, about two months ago, she said she didn't know if she was coming back and we broke it off. It was difficult at times (remember: possible penis cancer requires horrible treatment - update, if it doesn't go away in like 3 weeks I get the pleasure of getting a penis biopsy. It was fun little buddy), but I also kind of felt relieved.
Well, after a long drawn out conversation over the last couple of weeks, we decided it would be a good idea for me to go visit this past weekend. I actually had a really good time and enjoyed her and her little girl's company quite a bit. Then we broke up for good, no talking, nothing. And then, in less than 24 hours, that somehow got reversed and we're now in a full on long distance relationship again until she's back (3 months now apparently). Except she's going to live an hour away from me. And this is entirely too serious.
The problem is that I genuinely do like her way more than pretty much any other girl I've met, but the whole ex thing is a bitch. Also, I know all the driving too see her when she lives here will eventually wear me down. The problem is that I find it hard to picture being happy with another chick at this point and I'm also having a problem not feeling like a total cock sucker breaking up with her...which I don't even know if I want to do.
So, um....help?
Oh, and now I have to break off meeting two other chicks this upcoming week because I'm not an asshole like that. THIS IS GOING TO BURN BRIDGES.
