Topic: Is my girlfriend a huge bitch?

[gpw11]

So, I'm staying at this chick's house Sunday night and I just can't get to sleep at all. I've been lying there for over an hour, tossing and turning while she's fast asleep.  Eventually I decide to cut my losses and just leave.  See, I have to work early in the morning and she doesn't live close.  If I leave at night I can get home (far closer to work) in just under 30 min.  If I leave in the morning it takes about 40-50 min, but because of traffic patterns I have to leave far earlier than that in order to not get caught up in choke points and have a 1.5 hour drive ahead of me.  So, basically I have to wake up at her house at around 5:00-5:30 in order to make work for 7:30 (not as bad as it sounds, I get home early enough to shower, eat, go to the gym and do some other little stuff).  So, at 11:30 at night it seems like a good idea to leave in order to maximize the sleep time available to me.

So, I wake her up and tell her I'm leaving.  She's pissed.  To tell the truth, this isn't the first time I've done it and I know she doesn't like it when I leave.  I've been pretty good about it in my mind, especially since I NEVER used to stay at a girl's house..I used to cut and run all the time.  I get home and write her an email so she gets it in the morning just saying how I couldn't sleep, had a lot on my mind with work and school and just figured it'd be better if I took advantage of the time I was going to be awake anyway by driving home.  I go to bed.

The next day I don't get a response by 12:00, which is kind of strange for her, so I fire off another email.  Nothing. I can figure out what's going on here, but I kind of give her the benefit of the doubt and try to call in case she can't check email for whatever reason.  Nope.  So, I forget about about it and figure she'll call me when she gets over it. 

Later that night I go for a run and see I have an email when I get back to my car. Check it and the jist of it was something like "Feeling uncertain, worried, and a little sick?  That's how I feel when you leave at night."

WHAT the fuck?  Lessons like this are passive-aggressive and gay. Yet, I'm not an idiot and I'm not biting.  I always find it's best to just avoid arguing with girls because you can never win...fuck, even if you do you just lose anyways because it's always so fucking stupid.  So I just fire back an "Yeah, sorry...feel really bad about that, just couldn't sleep." It's like 4 days later and she's still not over it.  I mean, she pretends she is, but like most girls you can still tell she isn't. 

So, here's the question: Is she a total bitch?  A guy can't sleep a guy can't sleep.  I get that it bothers her, but what the fuck can I do?  I ask because I've never really been in this situation with someone I actually cared about, which makes it a lot harder to just assume that they're fucking crazy.

[idolminds]

Shes just being a woman.

Take that any way you like.

[Quemaqua]

I don't get why it bothers her that you leave.  She thinks it means you aren't into her or something?  Like you're leaving because you'd rather be somewhere else other than around her?  If that's the case, there really isn't shit you can do.  Insecurities are insecurities.  They don't vanish and you can't rationalize them away.

In any relationship, you have to come to the point where you're okay with making sacrifices.  If for some reason this is a big deal to her and you really like her, just accept the fact that women are inherently batshit crazy when it comes to some stuff, grit your teeth, acknowledge that this is what you have to do, and then just stop worrying about it.  It'll be annoying for a little while, then it'll become routine and you'll pay it no mind.

Either way, I don't think this makes her a bitch.  Maybe she is one, I have no idea, but don't make one thing out to be too much.  Women just don't operate on basic principles of logic.  I don't mean to insult all womankind, but... eh.  Most of the smart ones won't even deny it if they trust you, and will admit to being weird about stuff sometimes for reasons they don't necessarily understand.

If you really like her, a few little quirks aren't that much to put up with.  If she demands all kinds of bizarre behavior on a constant basis and is never willing to acknowledge any of your preferences, that's different.  But one or two here or there is to be expected, especially when it comes to cuddly-hippy relationship shit like sleeping over or keeping extra clothes in a drawer at her house or anything like that.  Those things don't usually mean much to us due to a lack of any practical difference one way or the other, but they like to read deeply into things even when there's nothing deep to actually read.

EDIT - Idol said pretty much what I did except... it was way more concise.

[gpw11]

I don't get why it bothers her that you leave.  She thinks it means you aren't into her or something?  Like you're leaving because you'd rather be somewhere else other than around her?  If that's the case, there really isn't shit you can do.  Insecurities are insecurities.  They don't vanish and you can't rationalize them away.

Oh yeah, she left out that part.  She's convinced that I only leave when we're not getting it on.  I've only left like 4 times over maybe 9-10 months and I don't think that's true but if it is it's either coincidence or because I pass out right away after we do get it on.  Of course, you can't really say that.

But all in all, good advice from both of you.  I think she may have just broken up with me via MSN though, which is a pretty big bitch move and that kind of settles it for me - huge bitch.

To be fair, she's moving like 4 hours away in a few months and it's kind of driving her crazy. Especially because I've already said I can't drive up there all that often.

[Quemaqua]

Ah, women.  Can't live with 'em, can't firebomb the lasts of their tribes until there are no more of them.

[gpw11]

Or CAN we!?

[Quemaqua]

Your proposition intrigues me.

[PyroMenace]

Are you out of your minds!?! DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO BE ONE GIANT COCKFEST!

[Pugnate]

The fact that you leave makes her feel hurt, insecure, and a little less wanted. She probably wants to feel that you are committed to this relationship completely, and not just in it for one aspect of.

Spending the night is something that is far more significant to women than it is to men.

[gpw11]

Are you out of your minds!?! DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO BE ONE GIANT COCKFEST!

You're right, maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions.  Let's wait until the Japanese perfect sex robots.

The fact that you leave makes her feel hurt, insecure, and a little less wanted. She probably wants to feel that you are committed to this relationship completely, and not just in it for one aspect of.

Spending the night is something that is far more significant to women than it is to men.

Yeah, that makes sense, but a nigga's gotta sleep you know what I mean?

[Cobra951]

She is attached to you.  She is insecure.  One leaving in the middle of the night is a red flag for the other being used as sex object.  That summarizes the dynamics.  Take from it what you will.

[gpw11]

See, that's funny because that's what I used to do to girls all the time because they were sex objects.  Now the reasons are different (stress/insomnia), but she's not a sex object and nothing I can see will really convince her otherwise (which I understand).  So, what would you do?  Just not leave?

[Cobra951]

First, patch up the current divide.  You may have to put in some extra effort on not reopening the same wound for a while.  (I.e., yes, don't leave at night for a while.)  Then work out some way between you two to leave at odd hours if you must.  Just don't spring it on her moments before you do it.

This all assumes you think she's worth the effort.  Some effort they all do.  Heh.

[ren]

Have her stay over at your place every now and then

[Ghandi]

You should invest in a cape and convince her that you have to fight crime at night.

[Pugnate]

hahaha that's not a bad idea.

I know you like pranks, so this would be a good one.

First you photoshop a bunch of newspaper clippings of some mysterious person with a black cape, performing heroic deeds throughout the night. Stuff like saving little children from a burning fire, saving a woman from a rapist etc. Then you "hide" the clippings in one of your drawers -- one with a lock and key.

Next you go to one of those Halloween stores and buy some sort of a black cape, and get a ski mask or something. Also, buy $20 Katana off of eBay. Place all this stuff in the same drawer.

Whenever she is over, make it a big point to lock that drawer infront of her and place the keys in your pocket.

One day you "forget" while you hop in the shower etc, and she is guaranteed to go through that stuff.

That night she will let you do things to her that you thought were illegal... things that only Ghandi does on a regular basis.

[Raisa]

Well, you shouldn't wake her up to tell her you're leaving. those are two strikes in one. I'd get pissed too if I was woken up to be told "hey, i'm leaving."

What you should do is, before she falls asleep next time, explain to her that you may head home before the morning because of work/whatever reason. that way you don't need to wake her up.

If she's not reasonable even after you warn her early in the evening or whatever...well maybe she's peri-menopausal or just unreasonable or just batty.

[Ghandi]

In one post, Raisa debunks the entire thread, bringing reason to the discussion.

Jesus, we need more women around here....

...because, you know, sandwiches are running short.....*cough*....*other manly observations*

[gpw11]

Interesting, I think I'm 75% patched, but I expect it to be brought up again at some inopportune time.  That said, I'm investing in a cape.

[Ghandi]

Well, the cape is only part of it. I didn't mention that at first. You also have to be a bad-ass and kick tons of ass. The cape helps that. But you'll have to ditch the panda furry outfit, unless you are infiltrating a furry-crime-committing club, in which case the outfit will be your only means of entry.

[gpw11]

But the thing is that pandas may look cute...but they're actually deadly as fuck.


Or wait...is that just polar bears?

[Pugnate]

In one post, Raisa debunks the entire thread, bringing reason to the discussion.

Jesus, we need more women around here....

...because, you know, sandwiches are running short.....*cough*....*other manly observations*

haha it is like a bunch of apes confused and unable to get a fridge open, and then ummmmmmm... a female fridge walks in and shows them how.

Yes, Raisa is a fridge.

[Cobra951]

In one post, Raisa debunks the entire thread, bringing reason to the discussion.

Jesus, we need more women around here....

...because, you know, sandwiches are running short.....*cough*....*other manly observations*

Wait a minute.  My take is very compatible with hers.  I must be in touch with my feminine side.   

[Xessive]

I watched the first episode of Bored to Death and around the end of the episode it just reminded of GPW's situation.

I uploaded the clip here.

[MysterD]

Oh yeah, she left out that part.  She's convinced that I only leave when we're not getting it on.

I think she just wants you there with her period -- with her wanting that preferably on her terms.

To be fair, she's moving like 4 hours away in a few months and it's kind of driving her crazy.

There's the major root of all her majorly upset over the you "leaving during the night", I'd bet...

Especially because I've already said I can't drive up there all that often.

That added even MORE fuel to the fire, I'd bet; probably more than you could fathom...

To add to my comments here, I'm speaking here from a similar experience to yours in my life.

[gpw11]

I watched the first episode of Bored to Death and around the end of the episode it just reminded of GPW's situation.

I uploaded the clip here.

Hahaha, that was actually pretty funny.  Mainly "I read them in my diary".

But yeah, kind of the same, but kind of the opposite.  And I don't want to sound like a dick here, but if I ever have to try to break a cold streak when I'm with a chick...well, I probably won't be with them.