Topic: Online Dating

[wizall]

So, what's your take on it?  I've decided I'm going to give it a shot since things haven't been pretty blah lately.  The job front is impossible, and the bar thing, which is fun, is also ultimately vacuous.  I realize it isn't taboo like it used to be (e.g. my days of prowling AOL chat rooms as a teenager(who were of age, guys)), but it still feels a little awkward.

I dunno, I figure what the hell.  Can't hurt, right?

Anyone try it recently?  I'm grossly out of tune.

[Quemaqua]

I haven't dated anybody other than my wife in the last 6 years or so, but... I dunno'.  The internet is a strange place.  I met a number of chicks there in my younger years, but I met and dated them all in real life, not strictly by proxy.  So... uh... I guess I'm not being helpful.

[TheOtherBelmont]

The only thing with those types of sites is it tends to attract bimbos and airheads but I do know one guy who met a girl online that he dated for a couple of years before they broke up.  I know two other guys though who have been stood up by flaky women on those types of sites.  Either way it can't hurt, but don't be surprised if you run into a nutjob/bimbo/airhead.  I guess it all depends on the site you use too.

[Quemaqua]

It's funny, I didn't even assume he meant like a dating site.  Why didn't I assume that?  I'm even more useless now, as I never so much as visited one.  I just thought he meant he had more chances to meet chicks on the web, heh.

[TheOtherBelmont]

I might be assuming wrong too, when I see "online dating" I assume dating sites.

[Cobra951]

I've considered it, but never actually done it.  It's worth a shot.  One thing you know for sure is that whoever is there is looking to pair up, just like you.  With bars or any other random encounters, it's a bigger crapshoot with less rolls of the dice.  I've also heard of local places which will do something similar to what was depicted in Hitch (with Will Smith).  All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process.  A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those.  She and this guy ended up being an item.

[PyroMenace]

I can't say it won't work. I did look into it and knew it wasn't for me. From what I found I'd have to agree with Tet, its mostly really desperate chicks and most profiles are pretty cut and paste. I think if you looked hard enough and with a little luck you'd have a shot. It's really just like with anything with finding a relationship, its not going to be easier if its online and you still have to put effort into it.

[Jedi]

I might be assuming wrong too, when I see "online dating" I assume dating sites.

HAHAHA Oh fuck you can't make this shit up. 

I tried such a site some time ago but thinking back.... fuck that shit, I've got options to avoid advertising how ... umm.... yeah.
Anyway I shouldn't have bothered, I gave up and a woman who I now call "bitch face" found me - happy days (for about 9 months that is).

[Raisa]

I know a number of couples who met online.  Not on online dating sites though.

good luck!  I'm sure it's just as devious as IRL dating.

[ren]

Not quite online dating, but there have been many people that I've met maybe once in person, started talking to them online and they were suddenly in my close group of friends. Just the same, I've met people through them strictly online and had things go from there too. Meeting and talking to people online isn't weird at all, since I've been going through it since I was 10 years old. As the years progress it'll get even more normal, as kids start using the internet at younger ages.

And about dating sites. You're willing to go to one, but you're apprehensive. Chances are there's lots of people with that exact same thought pattern on these sites. Sure you'll come across some people with limited social experience, but for the most part, people are just normal and just as worried as you. You may as well just try it.

All assumptions though, having never gone to one myself ^

[idolminds]

I always find these sites suspicious. Especially if you're looking for females. Like, a girl just has to go where the kind of guy she wants might hang out and just talk to one...bam, shes all set to go. Why would a female have to sign up for a dating service unless A) she is crazy and no one wants her or B) is an airhead and has no clue how easy it should be for her to go out and find someone. Sure there might be the occasional normal chick thats just shy or whatever, but thats probably not very common.

I always picture dating sites with 4 million male members looking at the same 20 female profiles.

[ren]

Females have just as much trouble getting dates as guys. There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots who are always saying they can't find a good guy. Sure, it's easy for them to be hit on and get dates, but if you were a girl would you even consider most the guys who honk at you on the street? and you say you see girls everywhere that could easily get a date, but how many times have you actually gone there and asked one out? Legitimate attempts don't happen to a lot of girls as much as you would think. Also, a lot of girls seem to feel odd approaching guys because traditionally, it's the guy who is supposed to make the first move.

[wizall]

I tend to agree with ren when it comes to girls finding legit dates ("legit" being the key word).  A lot of my female friends are hit on all the time, but usually by complete d-bags, usually in a drunken scene. 

Well, I did a little browsing, and I decided to try out Match.com, if only because it seems slightly classier than some of the others.  And, that's a good point, ren, that a lot of people are reluctant about it, too. 

I'll keep you posted on my conquests (defeats, that is).

[gpw11]

There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots

Ah, so young, so foolish.

Anyways:

"  All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process.  A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those.  She and this guy ended up being an item"

You're talking about speed dating.  As far as I'm concerned it's the stupidest thing in the world.  Like a series of job interviews for a mate.

[ren]

Ah, so young, so foolish.

I knew someone would call me the rational women thing

[Cobra951]

Ah, so young, so foolish.

Anyways:

"  All the women get to meet all the men in short interviews, and then there's some sort of rating/match-up process.  A former neighbor of mine had a lot of success at one of those.  She and this guy ended up being an item"

You're talking about speed dating.  As far as I'm concerned it's the stupidest thing in the world.  Like a series of job interviews for a mate.

Who was it that said "nothing succeeds like success"?

I think what I said before was confusing.  What I meant was that whoever gets involved with the online dating sites wants to date, unlike bar patrons, and there's a lot more of them than you're going to find at the bar.  You can't see them right away, which is a downside.  I'm sure there's going to be some who lie their asses off--not that it's going to achieve anything beyond wasting everyone's time.  I'm winging this--zero experience.  Just saying I'd have no problem with giving it a shot, should I ever get serious about finding a mate.

[MysterD]

When I first met the now ex-girlfriend, I met her over -- of all places -- the Internet. And it wasn't over a dating site, either -- I dunno if I like the idea of a dating site, myself. Naw, it was MySpace, actually. That was early 2006. Never really saw it coming, myself. She did live nearby me, anyways. We talked for a good amount of time online -- and then eventually it expanded to us talking also over the phone. So, I actually and eventually agreed to meet w/ her. She wanted to meet me, of course, not too long after she met me online. I was hesitant, of course -- b/c it'd definitely be a big step for me to meet someone from online right in-person.

But, eventually, I caved in. And good thing I did, too. So, we met and all -- she been dying to see me skate, as well. So, she meet me at a skating exhibition I was skating at. Yeah, it was a very controlled environment -- 'cause not only was I gonna be there, so was my parents b/c it was a skating event. They just don't miss those, period. So, as soon as we met, we really hit it off. Not only that -- but my parents really-really liked her, as well. Great start, if you ask me.

Yes, one of the best decisions of my life. It eventually led from an online friendship to a real close one. Eventually, became a closer friendship, once we met. It only grew -- we began spending more time together. Then, she ended up being my g/f, in July 2006 -- all the stars were so aligned for us, at that time. It lasted for a great 8 months. I don't regret going to meet her at all.
(About time I got a little pro-active in my life, instead of just sitting back and regretting doing nothing.)

I just regret that it all ended b/c of such bad timing in our lives. Just too much was going on, for the both of us, all at that time. Things, unfortunately, just fell apart in the last few weeks or so. Yeah, I'll just leave it at that.

So, I suggest this for these type of "online" ordeals: make a friend out of someone online, before anything else. That's always a good way to start. And get to really know them for a good while really well -- at least for a few months. Then, if things go great and the relationship gets to the point that y'all really are interested in exploring something possibly more, go take it to another level -- just go meet up.
 

[nickclone]

Females have just as much trouble getting dates as guys. There's lots of girls who aren't crazy or idiots who are always saying they can't find a good guy. Sure, it's easy for them to be hit on and get dates, but if you were a girl would you even consider most the guys who honk at you on the street? and you say you see girls everywhere that could easily get a date, but how many times have you actually gone there and asked one out? Legitimate attempts don't happen to a lot of girls as much as you would think. Also, a lot of girls seem to feel odd approaching guys because traditionally, it's the guy who is supposed to make the first move.

I have to disagree with you there, the reason why these girls can't find "good" guys is because they keep dating assholes. I think the problem is that our culture still relies on the guy to chase the woman around and most of the guys that do the chasing are assholes. When a hot woman goes after a guy (face it, only shy guy would have to be chased by a hot woman) it intimidates men and they kind of push themselves away.

Until very recently it was very hard to tell when a woman was flirting with me unless she straight up told me she wanted to nail me. Its still a little unflattering when a woman throws herself at a man, I guess because men are more suspicious? I don't know, don't quote me on that.

If you're looking for love, I don't believe you can actually look for it and find it. I think its one of those things that sneaks up and bites you in the ass. Just be patient ( I know it sucks) and a woman will come along and you can be whipped like so many other guys out there. In the meantime, don't try to find a girlfriend in a bar.

[Quemaqua]

I kind of agree with nick on this.  I don't know that I think it's impossible to find love if you're actively looking for it, but I don't think actively looking for it is going to increase your chances much.  You'll meet more people, but probably not the right ones.  I feel like I always had far more available women around me and interested when I wasn't even thinking about it.

[ren]

Oh I totally agree with that, you can't just actively search for love and expect to find it. The post wasn't about looking for love though, it was about dating.

[wizall]

I'm not looking for love; I just sort of want to pound on stuff.

Just kidding...sort of.

But, anyway, I've held off for the time being on joining something like this.  In all honesty, I'm enjoying being single at the moment.  I go out enough as it is, blowing money (as I did last night)--I don't really need to add a girl to the mix.  And, I agree with the notion of actively looking for love.  I mean, you can put yourself in a position to find it, I suppose, but you can't shoehorn your way into it, imo.

[MysterD]

I have to disagree with you there, the reason why these girls can't find "good" guys is because they keep dating assholes. I think the problem is that our culture still relies on the guy to chase the woman around and most of the guys that do the chasing are assholes. When a hot woman goes after a guy (face it, only shy guy would have to be chased by a hot woman) it intimidates men and they kind of push themselves away.

Yuh, I'm shy -- if I don't know someone well and all. If I do know someone well, forget about -- I can be open w/ you about some things.

I am very shy about my feelings for someone, if I actually do have them.

I should note -- I'm not as shy online as I am in person. I am not too much of a social butterfly, in person. I think I write better than I speak, myself -- probably b/c I love to write and all.

Until very recently it was very hard to tell when a woman was flirting with me unless she straight up told me she wanted to nail me.

Yeah, b/c sometimes you can't read someone well; especially if you don't know them too well.

Even if you do know 'em well, you might not be too sure on if they mean what they say or if they are actually joking w/ you. Hell, might be a combination of both -- yes, a lot of truth can be said in jest.

I just think, in general, communication can be a muddy process w/ lots of gray areas anyways, period.

Its still a little unflattering when a woman throws herself at a man, I guess because men are more suspicious? I don't know, don't quote me on that.

Personally, I'd rather takes things somewhat slow w/ girl...

...I don't mind knowing if a girl wants me, early on -- but, it really shows me a lot, if she's willing to be patient and take things slow right along w/ me...

If you're looking for love, I don't believe you can actually look for it and find it. I think its one of those things that sneaks up and bites you in the ass.

Yeah, I agree.

I mean, I figured I'd find nothing for a while, given after how confused I was after a few girls I had crushes on didn't amount to anything...

...Then, this girl on MySpace contacted me -- and eventually, we had a great 8 months together....
Damn, I still miss her and love her...

[Cobra951]

I don't know.  My experience is that the more you're actively trying to befriend single people of the opposite sex, the more you're going to succeed.  (This sounds too obvious, in fact.)  So I can't agree that actively trying is a waste of time.  You'll have more failures and more successes, and it's only the latter that you care about.

[Ghandi]

It does sound obvious Cobra, but it is true nonetheless. My brother always taught me that failure is the road to success when dating. You can't be too worried about failure that you never go for it. After all, if they turn you down, then it would never work to begin with, no? It just speeds things along.

[Cobra951]

Well, that's exactly what I meant.  The more you roll the dice, the more 7's you're going to get.  All the snake eyes can be ignored.  They are irrelevant to you longterm.

[wizall]

Well, that's exactly what I meant.  The more you roll the dice, the more 7's you're going to get.  All the snake eyes can be ignored.  They are irrelevant to you longterm.

This is true in theory, but a string of snake eyes can be discouraging, to say the least. 

[Cobra951]

Oh, no doubt.  Even a few successes or failures close together can radically alter your self-perception.  The thing is you need to overcome that insecurity (or inflated ego) and try to keep it all on an even keel.  If you never succeed, even though you know you've given it your best over a long time, then it may be time to look deeper into what's amiss.  If you're anywhere near normal, you should have some success within your peer group.

[HxCeddie]

It's funny because I think I've taken a very weird path when it comes to dating and hooking up. I'm incredibly shy in person when I don't know someone or if I'm interested in a girl. Every gf I've had up to this point, they have actually approached me and asked me out. Even with random hookups, the girl has always initiated everything. Since this has always worked for me, I've never really actively seek relationships or hookups. Some of my friends find it weird (by weird meaning calling me a fag) that when a girl seems to be flirting with me, I never do anything about it because I am way to shy to make any moves and look like an idiot while they stumble all over themselves being drunk douche bags trying to get girls.

I guess if you are really shy, maybe girls just find you mysterious and attractive? Who knows....

But anyways, as for online dating, I've always been curious about it, but the same thing as usual, I'm too shy to actually sign up and look for girls. So I dunno, if you try it, give me a heads up and tell me how it went. I'd be really interested to find out.

[gpw11]

Ok, I believe I've told some of the inter-macking stories from one group of university friends a few years ago here.  Good shit, but this was back in the internet sex dark ages of hotornot.com.  We're in a brand new world now - one filled with no-strings-attached sex with people you don't meet face to face before having sex with them.  The entertainment possibilities are endless. 

I was bored a few weeks ago, and probably depressed over the fact that I slept with a girl I shouldn't have because it causes two worlds to collide.  I should elaborate - probably depressed over the fact that I slept with a girl I shouldn't have because it causes two worlds to collide...again.  I don't know if I've mentioned my 'disability' before, but it's a crippling mental disease I developed due to a guilt complex I developed because of passive aggressive sociopathic behavior towards women.  I have a really hard time sleeping with girls that I actually know, because it's like I want to keep the sex part of my life away from the rest of my life.  Against all better judgment I slept with an english girl who is a good friend of a friend of mine, ran into the both of them again, was nice to her, and slept with her again. 

So I was thinking of a way to control (or satisfy) my dirty dirty urges whilest not a.) being a dick to friends of friends, and b.) not making my life any more complicated then it already is.  The obvious answer is bar starts, but that whole process blows and to be perfectly honest, my disability has led me to act like a secret agent;  I don't even like people to know who I'm having sex with, when, or where.  So, if I pick up at a bar or whatever, it's always ideal to not go to my house, and hope no one asks any questions.  It's not a problem with work buddies or people I don't hang around with too often, but mainly around good friends.  It's fucked but I'm pretty sure I've known most of you long enough for you to have seen this whole thing develop.

Anyways, so I had two needs: no strings attached sex, and discreet sex.  How to satisfy this?  Why, the internet of course.  The perfect medium, especially once you consider my total hate of putting too much effort into girls.  So, half-jokingly I put a profile and a picture up on a site.  I say half-jokingly, but if you look at these sites that's what everyone says.  The difference...mine's actually pretty much a big joke.  The picture?  the tough ass one I posted here with a cut on my nose and me trying to look bad-ass.  The profile writeup?  Basically something about how I fucked my nose up in some ridiculously heroic way, and how bad-ass I am. B latently sarcastic.  The real icing on the cake is the satire.  See, every fucking low-class chump on these sites (looking for casual sex at least) is one of those guys who works out a hell of a lot...not to better themselves or for sports...but to get chicks.  They all have flexing and ab pics.  I obviously played off their metro sexual circle jerk. 

I talk about how much I love working out and how fit I am, then throw down examples of how fit I am by mentioning how many chin-ups I can do....5.  Shit like that.  Nice.

So I close the window, the hangover/guilt goes away and I don't think about it for a few days at all.  Then I remember, go back in, and there's like 10 messages there for me.  I'm not going to lie...75% of these girls have been beaten with the ugly stick, but that doesn't matter.  What does is that this could maybe be the most entertaining thing in the world.  I don't plan on sleeping with any of these girls, but I'm having a really fun social experiment here. 

So, the point of the post - need a slump-buster?  Go on dating site, post a profile that's just ridiculous, and just watch as mediocre girls try to get down your pants.  Fucking gold mine. 





I really hope I don't cave in

[Quemaqua]

That story is awesome.  I really don't know why.  It just is.

[gpw11]

You mention that you'd like to drink some wine.  Honestly, that's a bit more long term than what I'm comfortable with.  Would it be possible to skip that step?  It's not that I'm a creep, it's more that sitting there drinking wine with someone kind of makes me feel like a lion in a cage.  Really, I just have to be free.

With replies like that how couldn't inter-girls be all over me?  There's even a subtle and classy classic movie reference in there.

[gpw11]

i think about possums and coons and how u can only see their eyes in the dark

And then sometimes you get the crazies. 

And don't worry.  Even if you have the context of this message, you realize the bitch is just as crazy as if you didn't.  I shit you not.

[idolminds]

You must keep us updated on this.

[gpw11]

shit, are you online right now?  Because we could have some fun.

[gpw11]

When I posted that last night I was being propositioned for sex by two women. via a built in web IM by two women.  One's a longshore'man', the other is a truck driver who also 'shoes horses' and has a dirty dirty mouth.  I needed help.  I needed help badly.  I now realize that there's an entire area of British Columbia I can never get out of my car in because I'll have to 'feel her tanned body pressing up against mine'.   I think she may have been about two steps away from trying to get me to break out the robe and wizard hat before I said I had to go to bed and started drinking heavily. 

Anyways, I'm a bit analytical in life and I'm trying to break this whole thing down.  There's a big flaw with this system because you can't choose to disallow people from seeing if you're online or not.  Now I'm kind of scared of getting more IMs from creepy women.  You can allow to block people from seeing if you've viewed your profile, but that cuts off the effortless part of the game.  I haven't initiated contact with anyone, I've just looked at people's profiles and they can see that.  They make the decision to contact me or not. I think that's really the name of the game with this kind of thing, because this is all about efficiency and this cuts out at least some of the fat (but you're going to loose some good stuff as well). 

People have in their profile what they're looking for.  I believe the options are: hanging out, other relationship, dating, activity partner, long term, intimate encounter, and maybe some others.  You can set it up so people looking for certain things can't contact you.  I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure 'hanging out' is just a less slutty way of saying you want to hook up.

Realistically this looks like a pretty lucrative market for those interested.  In maybe an hour last night I had two manly women blatantly proposition me, and a moderately attractive one offer her phone number...which is out of town.  Other girls send messages fairly often, so I think the 'view profile, don't leave message' thing works at least a bit.  I'd assume if you were seriously interested in this kind of thing, you could make it a bit more efficient by messaging others, but only those who have viewed your profile.  Personally,  I don't know how you would initiate that kind of contact over the internet ; 'I like sex too!' is pretty much all that comes to mind. 

The thing that kind of surprises me is that a lot of these girls will have profiles up and claim they want straight up sex, but in the same profile talk about how you're just not going to get into their pants straight away.  Fair enough, but if you want people to not be creeps, don't post on the internet that you want to use someone as a sex toy. 

I haven't been tainted yet, but I don't know how long that will hold out.  It's just too easy and there are some decent looking girls on here...that I'd never have to see again.   

[gpw11]

why are u all of a sudden avoiding me.....

the real answer is because you're a fucking longshoreman and you scare me.  the joke answer will be because I'm scared of getting too attached.  Lets see where this goes.

[angrykeebler]

You are a miserable human being.





I still love you though.

[Cobra951]

You are a miserable human being.





I still love you though.

Heh, that makes 2 of us, in both possible ways.  But this kind of misery I have not experienced.  I'm too old to be looking for this sort of thing.  At one time it worked like a light switch, but now there needs to be something more substantive there for me to do the deed.  Aren't casual encounters with promiscuous strangers anathema to survival in the aids-infected world?  Is this what online dating is really about?  Everyone puts down clubs and bars as meeting places for prospective mates, but it seems to me that the online alternative may be a great deal more deceiving.  I mean, how much of this kind of shit goes on even at the reputable sites?

[gpw11]

"Aren't casual encounters with promiscuous strangers anathema to survival in the aids-infected world?"

In a simple word: no.  AIDS is pure Darwinism.  Your chances of contracting it are inversely related to your intelligence level (in this part of the world at least).  Wear a motherfucking condom and don't share needles with junkies and you should be fine.  I'm sure there's a slight chance of a bad blood transfusion or something, but that's a whole other story.  Condoms suck, so do seatbelts...but you wear both of them so that chance doesn't throw you on your deathbed because you got lazy/comfortable. 

"Is this what online dating is really about?"

Probably not.  I can't really say, since I've only looked at this one aspect of it.  On this site (which is pretty big, free, and one we all probably know about) there are a lot of different categories of people to meet.  Probably the majority are looking for something 'deeper' or more 'innocent'.  I'm not going to fuck with those ones because I'm not that much of an asshole.  I couldn't say how the exchange works for those people.  On one hand I think it would be a lot less interesting on the surface, but oh so much more interesting if you really wanted to analyze it.  You're judging a total stranger through text and a static picture but not for one night sex...for a major time and emotional investment.  I could see it being a whole other world.  That said, I don't think it would be the greatest way to meet someone to actually go out with.  I'm sure there's a ton of nice girls on there, but I think you'd have a lot of artificial positives just because of lack of information.  Whereas in person the artificial positive could only last like 2 min. in this case it might be dragged out for months until both felt comfortable to meet.  Conversely, looking for straight up sex, the lag time between contact and personal meeting seems to be a lot shorter and that might reflect on the fact that the interpersonal time physically together is expected to be so much shorter.  Again, another world, but I wouldn't judge the whole 'industry' off what I wrote, because I'm talking about a niche within it.

"Everyone puts down clubs and bars as meeting places for prospective mates, but it seems to me that the online alternative may be a great deal more deceiving."

Perhaps, but as much as I put down bars and clubs (which I do a lot) it's for other reasons.  No one goes to a bar or club to look for a girlfriend.  Or at least they shouldn't. 

[ren]

I hope you hook up with some girl and fall in love, it'd lead to some good stories. “Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance” I want posts for them all.