Topic: Online Dating

[Dragonlor]

Holy shit, after reading this I can die happy.

[Cobra951]

shawty:  hey
Gpw11:  what's going on?
shawty:  how are you
Gpw11:  good, and you?
shawty:  good
shawty:  how was ur weekend
Gpw11:  IT was pretty solid.  I got bombed
shawty:  ddi u dress up
Gpw11:  yes
shawty:  as what
Gpw11:  A wizard
Gpw11:  I put on my robe and wizard hat
shawty:  lol
Gpw11:  Do you like to dress up?
shawty:  yup
shawty:  i dress up as a naught shcool girl
Gpw11:  I cast level 3 Eroticism.  You turn into a real beautiful woman
shawty:  huh
Gpw11:  I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
shawty:  english please
Gpw11:  I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
shawty:  ok
Gpw11:  Wanna cyber?
*** shawty's IC window is closed

My name has been changed.  Her's, however, has not.  Come on now - shawty?   Are you serious?

Hahahaha!  We really need the old ROFL smiley back.

[Quemaqua]

Whatever happened to the smiley repository?  It seems like we were going to import the old fun ones we had, then we never did.

[Cobra951]

I just downloaded all of them with IDM (from TME).  Want me to post a rar file?  It would be small enough for my meager 5 MB, I think.

Edit:  Oh yeah, it's like under 300K total.

[Quemaqua]

Well, I can't do anything with them given my lack of admin status, but throw them scott or ant's way and I'm sure we can put them to use!

[Cobra951]

OK, let me do that.  I may have to use a false extension, depending on my ISP rules for webspace use.  Back in a bit . . .

Edit:  Didn't have to cheat.  RAR was accepted.  So the link is here.  Should I be PM'ing this?

[shock]

This makes all of my woman problems not look so bad.

[idolminds]

gpw is my hero.

[Pugnate]

Whatever happened to the smiley repository?  It seems like we were going to import the old fun ones we had, then we never did.

I remember Scottws telling me uploading emoticons has caused problems resulting in all smileys replaced by little red Xs, which is why he hasn't managed to add.

edit:

Just read GPW's post. That is hilarious. You should have dedicated that to Idol at the end.

[Dogma972]

I love this thread.

[PyroMenace]

Dogma, dude!! Your back, welcome!

[Quemaqua]

Dogma!  Is it really you?  If so, I demand you immediately create a thread and say... like... things.

[Ghandi]

Yes. He finally escaped from my basement. I should never given the key ring to the particularly inept guard.

[Pugnate]

Well apparently you do get seduced easily.

[gpw11]

kh-   BLING* says:
I DIDNT WORK
jkh-   BLING* says:
actually
G says:
What?  The paper mache version of you told me she did.  That lying whore
G says:
OH GOD, I THINK I KILLED HER.  WHAT DO i DO?! 
G says:
THERE IS NEWSPAPER AND PLASTER EVERYWHERE, THEY'LL TOTALLY KNOW IT WAS ME
jkh-   BLING* says:
man
jkh-   BLING* says:
iom bored
jkh-   BLING* says:
im gonna play solitaire AGAIN

...what?

[Pugnate]

jkh-   BLING* is in itself a confusing username.

[gpw11]

Profession:     security officer for a Casino

Just im'd me.  This should be good.

[Pugnate]

Is that a chick? Who works as a security officer at a casino?

If you ever pull a heist you could use her.

[gpw11]

We decided she was most likely trying to rob me.

[gpw11]

WARNING EXPLICIT SURPRISE CYBERING

Christine says:
hey.. i have a great ferry ride story for you.

G says:
This better involve breaking bottles

G says:
or firecrackers

Christine says:
it takes a while to tell though... how are you on the sleep issue

G says:
I'm good for a bit

Christine says:
wanna hear it?

G says:
yes, yes I would

Christine says:
k

Christine says:
The weekend is here and I hop on the ferry for a trip to vancouver to see my friends. After I have some lunch I go upstairs to the outside deck to enjoy the sunshine. I am dressed as sexy as ever. A cute little tank top with a very short skirt and knee high boots.  The sun feels good as the warm wind blows up my skirt, it feels even better because I am not wearing any panties!

Christine says:
As I have my eyes closed and am soaking up some rays my sunlight gets blocked out. I open my eyes and look over, there you are sitting not too far from me. Your shadow has stopped the warmth from hitting my body.

Christine says:
I sit up and move over to get back in the sun. I watch you as you look over the railing. I check you out from top to bottom. You look over to me and I suddenly glance away. I look over back and you and notice you still checking me out. I am sitting on the ground with my legs together and stretched out.  I look around and see there is no one really that near except you. So I decide to be daring and

Christine says:
i bend my knees up and spread my legs just a little bit. As you once again glance over to me, I look the other away at the coastal mountain view. I allow the wind to lift my skirt up giving you full view under my skirt. You just keep staring as I caress the inside of my thigh.

Christine says:
I slowly turn my head your way and give you a very innocent look then turn my head back to the mountains. Once more I look over to you and notice not only the big smile on your face but the large bulge coming from the front of your jeans. I then stand up, give you that innocent look again and you think I will walk over to you but instead I slowly walk into the solarium area and of course you

Christine says:
follow me. I open the door that goes downstairs and walk in but thru the window you see me walk into the ladies washroom. You follow me in there.

Christine says:
I am standing in front of the sink counter by the mirror. You walk right up behind me and put your hands on my hips. You press your bulging jeans up against my ass. I lean my head back onto the front of your shoulder. My hair is up in a ponytail so my neck is fully exposed. You start by lightly Sucking on my neck. Kissing and Sucking on it.  You lick up my neck and nibble on my earlobe Sucking and

Christine says:
and biting on it. You bite hard on my neck and you feel my body quiver. Your hands move up the front of my chest cupping my breasts. Your hands squeeze my breasts together. You can feel my hard nipples trying to poke thru my top. You unbuton my sweater and cup my breasts again!! You slowly slide my sweater off, exposing my sexy black bra. You move your hands down my body and down my legs, then bac

Christine says:
back up.

You slighlty bend me over the counter and you get down on your knees. You start out rubbing my legs up and down. On the outside and then inside. Then you rub your hands up the back of my legs and you rub my ass. As I bend over some more my short skirt lifts up over my ass.


Christine says:
You start out rubbing my ass cheeks, then I feel your tongue lick between my wet lips. You lick up and down my moist lips. I feel your tongue press up against my clit as you smack my ass. I reach under and start rubbing my clit as I feel your tongue rapidly lick up and down between my wet lips.

Christine says:
You stand up and I turn around and face you. I undress you till you are just in your boxers. I get down on my knees in front on you and start rubbing your cock thru your boxers. You look down and see me looking up at you with a big grin on my face. I take a hold of the sides of your boxers and gently tug your boxers down.

Christine says:
I see the base of your shaft appear as I pull then down some more. Then I see more of your cock and more until your hard throbbing cock pop out! I take you in my hands and start stroking your cock with one hand while I massage your balls with the other.  You feel my tongue lick around the head of your cock as I stroke you some more. 

Christine says:
I rub the head of your cock as you feel my tongue licking your balls. Then from the base of your cock I slowly lick up along the bottom half of your cock till I have to the head and then I Suck on it. Mmmmmm that tastes so good.  I Suck your head I stroke you harder and harder. Then I slide more of your cock into my mouth and down my throat. I have all of your hard throbbing cock deep inside my mo

Christine says:
mouth. I slowly start Sucking on your cock but quickly that turns into a fast motion. Your cock going deep in my mouth then out as I lick around the head of your cock. I slide your cock all the way down my throat until I choke on it. I take you out of my mouth as saliva drips off your cock. I lick it up before it falls off your cock as I twirl my head around in circles. My mouth vibrating on your
Christine says:
cock. 

I stand up and you sit me on the counter. I wrap my legs around you and pull you close to me.  You take my hands and hold them behind my back. You lean over and Suck, lick, and bite on my neck. You move your tongue down my body and circle it around my hard nipples. You gently Suck on one nipple licking and biting it. Then you glide your tongue over to the other one and Suck on that one.

Christine says:
You kiss me on the lips. You let go of my hands and hold onto the sides of my head kissing me with much passion. You run your hands thru my hair.  You feel my hands on your nipples as I play with them. Then you feel one go down your body. I grab a hold of your cock and press it up against my clit. I can feel it throbbing as I take hold of it and slide it inside.  Just the head is inside me as I

Christine says:
pull you even close to me with my legs. As I do that I can feel your cock go deeper and deeper inside me. I put my hands around your head as you hold onto my hips. At first you start out slow. Your cock going deep inside me.  Then we hear someone at the door trying to get in.

Christine says:
Luckily you had locked the door but the thought of being caught has gotten us even more turned on! Now I can feel your cock penetrating me deeper now and harder. Your tick hard cock feels so good inside me. 

Christine says:
You move your hand up my back and up into my hair and grab onto my ponytail. You jerk my head back as you lean over and bite on my neck. I moan into your ear.  I feel your cock fucking me hard and deep. Your hands move back onto my hips them you grab a hold of my ass and really start to fuck me hard.

Christine says:
You stop and get me off the counter. You turn me around so we are both facing the mirror looking at each other. I have such an innocent look on my face and you have a big smile on yours.  You bend me over the counter. You take your cock and slide just the head inside me.

Christine says:
You grab a hold of my hips and pull me down onto your cock. Slowly I feel every inch of your cock slide deep inside me till it was all the way in. I thrust my ass forward and back on your cock. 

Christine says:
Your cock fucking me deeper now then when I was sitting on the counter. With your hands still on my hips you start to really pound my pussy.  I stand up and you wrap your hands around me. One hand moves down to my clit while the other one plays with my nipples.

Christine says:
Here we are in the BC Ferry's washroom, with you behind me fucking me hard. You then start to whisper into my ear. "mmmmmm fuck me"....."my cock feels so good deep inside you"......"as soon as I saw you outside sitting down wearing no panties I wanted to fuck you"....."you are so hot I want you to cum all over my cock".  I moan out in pleasure. You bend me back down and I look at you in the mirror

Christine says:
I tell you I want you to cum. You tell me you want me to cum all over your cock first. With each hard thrust inside me, I let out a loud moan. I get louder and louder then scream out in joy.  You feel my hot juices on your cock. You can feel that you are about to cum soon now too.

Christine says:
You pull out of me, give your cock a few strokes then cum on my back. I stand up and turn around and face you. We gently kiss each other, get dressed and leave the washroom. You go downstairs and I go outside. Hopefully we will take the same ferry back to the island!!!

G says:
Sorry, my msn window froze and I had to restart it.  Can you repeat everything after you said "after I have some lunch"?

G says:
No wait, there it is in message history. What the....is this about physiotherapy or something? I also think you might have me confused for someone else because I totally don't remember that.

Some of the formating there is my own to avoid the solid block of text, but some of it was just there because she was obviously copying and pasting this from a text file.  Very apparent since that whole thing was written in like 30 seconds. 

About halfway through I realized I was being e-raped.

[Quemaqua]

Can you repeat everything after you said "after I have some lunch"?

 

[Pugnate]

Why the hell did "she" keep talking without you?

[gpw11]

It was blatantly obvious at the time that she was copying and pasting.  That or she can type like 300 words a min.

[Pugnate]

Well anyway, I have to mention that you are totally awesome.

[gpw11]

Um, just got this:

I recognize you from somewhere...where would it be? 

*note: smiley face is a close approximation

This was only really a matter of time.  This chick is 44 and I kind of recognize her as well, but I have no idea from where.  I can only think of three things here:

-Mom's Friend.  She must be sworn to secrecy.

-Old Teacher.  I must sleep with her in order to receive awesome high-5's from everyone I know.

-Friend's mom.  She must be sworn to secrecy and I must sleep with her in order to recieve awesome high-5s from everyone I know.  Although she is a  bit young, since that only places her roughly 18 years older than me and my friend sphere where I'd know anyone's mom probably only extends three years in either direction.  Still slightly possible.

How should we proceed?

[gpw11]

The funny certainly has died down, mainly because it's gotten somewhat boring and I've gotten somewhat lazy.   Anyways:

About Me
i there just looking for a guy for some fun times. I like to hit the bars on the weekends. I am in school at UBC and lovin it. Love the city. Would like a guy who takes care of his body and is in great shape as I do the same.
Remember size does matter boys

My Message:
Subject: Just to clarify....
   

When you say 'size does matter', you mean smaller is better right?
....
....
Right?

----

Her Reply

Totally wrong



hahaha

----




That's disappointing, but we might be able to still save this relationship:

My Reply

Oh, that's cool. As you can probably see, I'm only 5'7", so this probably wouldn't work out. I am, however, trying to get my hands on some Human Growth Hormone so maybe I'll try to get a hold of you after I find some.


I expect big results.

[gpw11]

This girl is trying to get me to call her:

G:  No, I'm just one of those people who never really enjoyed talking on the phone.  I find it occupies this weird grey zone between personal and impersonal
G:  No, I"m completely unattached
j:  I find this more impersonal loland there are so many weirdos out there
j:  you just never know
j:  you know dykes who pretend they are men
G:  or....robots?
j:  not that there is anything wng with dykes
j:  *with

[Quemaqua]

haha, that last line is gold

[gpw11]

Ok, so the funny has for the most part dried up, and the weirdness has exploded.  In order to bring back the funny and try to avoid ever actually running into any of these people I'm going to follow Hoob's advice and make a profile in a different city.  I think a big city with a superficial or pretentious reputation will probably be best suited for what I want to do here.  So, Miami or LA?

[Ghandi]

Well, LA will probably have more crazy people so....LA.

[Quemaqua]

I would think either one would have its own subsections of glorious idiots, but LA probably overall has more potential humor.

[gpw11]

Awesome, LA it is.  Does anyone know LA somewhat well here for when I inevitably make up a fake life there?  I was planning on setting this up tonight but spent the time alloted for it drawing drainage diagrams, so I'll probably set it up tomorrow.  Probably.

[gpw11]

still haven't set it up, but does anyone remember this?



Well, I decided it might be time to see what kind of funny we can milk out of this, and so:

By "smaller then average organ" you mean like I'm not a shower OR a grower, right? Because if that's the case you totally just won the jackpot. I don't think I've ever satisfied a girl - ever. I mean, it's not for lack of trying, but I can probably guarantee I've left more women suicidally disappointed then most men have even slept with.

Conversely, if you mean a smaller then average organ like musical instrument organ we're totally going to have a problem. I first fell in love with the instrument while attending a minor league rep hockey game in Hamilton Ontario in the late 80's. The assitant coach took me to the back and showed it to me and it was love at first sight.

Ever since then I've been drawn to organs. I took lessons for years, and every day I'd rush home after school in order to get my hands all over my organ as soon as possible. After I won the 50/50 draw at a work sponsored event a few years ago, I fell into some money. Not a lot, but some. I immediately ran home and ordered the biggest ebony, brass, and mahogany organ I could find on the internet. When it arrived and I unwrapped it I just stared at it's magnificence - mouth agape and salivating slightly.

Still to this day I like to admire, polish, and play with my organ as much as possible. It's a major part of my life. So, you see it totally depends on what type of organ you are talking about.

Keep your fingers crossed!

[Quemaqua]

Haha, that's gold.

[Antares]

hahah.  Awesome.

[gpw11]

There's a good chance I may need to recruit one of you to photoshop my head onto this body:



It can only lead to good things.

[Pugnate]

Oh? I thought that was your head.

[gpw11]

I've got a funny story, but first I need a postal code from some area in California.

[JacksRag(e)]

Go with 91335.  It's the zip code for Reseda.  Do with it what you will.

[gpw11]

I don't know if this will work out, but I really hope so